The ever-so ginger Lindsay and Sam once entered a Starbucks I was having a panic attack in. A hush fell over the crowd, and then I tried and failed to start a round of applause.

Most people have trouble meeting other people when they're famous, and while there's always John Mayer if you get really lonely, this trend is subsiding now that everyone is famous. Bob De Niro was yellling at some dude in the West Village the other day, and no one even stopped to look. They just twittered it and went on their way.

lindsay's myspace blog

If you keep denying something and never make a big deal out of it, eventually it will go away. To be fair, the first, best indication that Lindsay was a 'bian was her tumultuous relationship with Wilmer Valderrama. I'm too tired to look this up, but I'm ninety percent sure Wilmer is dating Kelly Osbourne or the Obama Girl right now.

has seth green ever not been murdered in Fuck Marry Kill?

Lindsay and Samantha fight a lot because Lindsay is very protective of Samantha and values her highly. (This is similar to my relationship with Lost.) It's too bad Say can't direct all those loyal feelings towards a concept like 'dignity' or at the very least to an organization like Mothers Against Drunk Driving.

To be fair, Lindsay is making steps. She's entered the tumultuous debate over Sarah Palin's daughter's bb with the following entreaty:

I've been watching the news all morning, like everyone else - and i keep hearing about the issues related to 'teen pregnancy'- It's all related to Sarah Palin and her 17 year old unmarried pregnant daughter. Well, I think the real problem comes from the fact that we are taking the focus off of getting to know Sarah Palin and her political views, and what she can do to make our country a less destructive place. Its distracting from the real issues, the real everyday problems that this country experiences.

I am concerned with the fact that Sarah Palin brought the attention to her daughter's pregnancy, rather than all world issues and what she believes she could possibly do to change them-if elected. I get Sarah Palin's views against abortion, but i would much prefer to hear more about what she can do for our country rather than how her daughter is going to have a child no matter what.

This is unrelated, but did you know Raven-Symoné and Lindsay once shared an apartment? How did that not get adapted into a hit sitcom? Do you think they ever open-mouthed kissed? I'm not one of those people that finds lesbians extra-special erotic. I find them intriguing because they're just like us.

Probably I am just jealous. Top five lesbians I would hit on successfully if I was also a sexy and discerning lesbian candy treat:

5. Ellen DeGeneres. I have wished this betch was str8 since With Friends Like These. I felt so betrayed. Every time she interviews former Bachelorette DeAnna Pappas, I hope it ends in a chaste but delicious kiss. Seriously though, I was crying like a baby when Ellen came out, but for a much different reason. I really thought she and I were going to run a bed-and-breakfast in Star's Hollow.

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi wed this summer. We are always attracted to people that look like older, more butch versions of ourselves. Why do you think Paul McCartney was so into Heather Mills?

4. Bette on the L Word. Since I probably have a bette-r chance (see what I did there?) of getting with a fictional, lesbian version of Jennifer Beals than her actual str8 self, I'm going with Bette Porter. We both love art, and Marlee Matlin. How can this relationship not work out? Seventeen reasons why.

3. Barbara Jordan. As you saw in my recap of the ten best political speeches ever, Barbara Jordan and I almost fell in love and spent the rest of our lives with each other. There's just something about a person who breaks down barriers. Do you have any idea how much ass Rosa Parks got?

2. Post-Taxi Driver era Jodie Foster. I have gone to the trouble of constructing an elaborate LTM (Lesbian Time Machine). This machine does the impossible - not only does it send you directly back to the time of your choice with Terminator rules, but it also tuns you into an attractive Elisha Cuthbert-esque lesbian. I would bring this marvelous invention to market, but I'd probably get sued by the RIAA.