How Could U B So Heartless?
by MOLLY LAMBERT
"Heartless" was a real game changer. That is what will be said about the 2009 season of American Idol. Kris Allen known it's ridiculous he won. He knows he's not as good as Adam Lambert. He knows Adam wanted it more. But now Kris will never have to sing "No Boundaries" aka the worst song of all time ever.
Kris Allen has "fuckability as judged by 13 year olds " to quote Jess Stites. Kris is cute and all, but he is a total mayonegg. Right now they might want non-threatening hamsters like Kris but when they're older, they'll be ready for a big gay stallion like Adam Lambert.
Adam Lambert is the kind of gay guy that makes straight guys think they might want to be gay. He will probably be fucking John Mayer by the end of the week.
Paula and Simon's looks said "this is bullshit" when the verdict was announced. You know they'll be discussing it in bed tonight.
Kris and Adam are like the archetypal Yaoi couple. Even more so than Kirk and Spock, who are actually probably too equal to qualify for the Boys Love genre, and fall instead into Dōjinshi (the Japanese equivalent of slash fan fiction). From the Wikipedia entry on Yaoi:
The two participants in a yaoi relationship (sometimes also in yuri) are often referred to seme ("attacker",攻め or せめ) and uke ("receiver",受け). These terms originated in martial arts and do not carry any degrading connotations. Seme derives from the Japanese verb semeru (“to attack”) and uke from the Japanese verb ukeru (“to receive”). Though gay males are often referred to in English as "tops" or "bottoms," seme and uke are more nearly analogous to "pitcher" and "catcher."
The seme is often depicted as the stereotypical male of anime and manga culture: restrained, physically powerful, and/or protective. The seme is generally older and taller, with a stronger chin, shorter hair, smaller eyes, and a more stereotypically masculine, even "macho", demeanor than the uke. The seme usually pursues the uke. The uke usually has softer, androgynous, feminine features with bigger eyes and a smaller build, and is often physically weaker than the seme.
American Idol is over. Adam Lambert lost. Lost is also over. Kanye put out a video for "Paranoid" starring Rihanna. Rihanna is apparently doing it with Drizzy. The world is a wheel. If life is a highway, I'm gonna ride it.
Molly Lambert is the managing editor of This Recording. She tumbls here.
"Idiot Heart" — Sunset Rubdown (mp3)
"Black Swan" — Sunset Rubdown (mp3)
"Silver Moons" — Sunset Rubdown (mp3)
