In Which Weeks Pass As We Carve Your Epitaph
Sunday, August 16, 2009 at 9:18AM
Alex in THE PAST, christy turlington, week in review

The Week in Review

We all have an image of ourselves that we keep in our mind. Usually I look like Tom Brady; sometimes I look like Jeff Garlin, but usually when I'm drinking I feel a lot like Christy Turlington. After a tough week you want to kick back and be someone else for awhile. Eventually virtuals will allow us to experience things we never could before. I've been looking to find out what it feels like to be 30 IQ points lower and hitting my head on the pavement didn't seem like the best option. Soon I will become Christy Turlington, sooner probably than you think.

Until then, enjoy being these people, and consider adopting their opinions as your own.

I wonder what Christy's doing now. Not like in her life, more what she's doing right now at this moment. Sometimes when I'm peeping into Tom Brady's inner life I realize that it's not that different from mine, which scares me to my core. We both wanted to knock up Bridget Moynahan; only one of us got the job done.

Christy to me is the perfect model because she's not so attractive that I couldn't imagine settling down and watching three or four episodes of How I Met Your Mother with her. By the way, I heard they cast Kat Dennings as those kids' mom. Sorry kids.

Christy also aged very well, which can't be said of the vast majority of her peers. Have you seen Cindy Crawford lately?

Yeah, Cindy doesn't look so great, but she had a terrific run. Remember when she let one of the Baldwins get all over her in some TV movie? That was the most erotic 90 seconds of my life at the time.

You can find the last Week in Review here.

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