Hard to Say is This Recording’s weekly advice column. It will appear every Wednesday until the Earth perishes in a fiery blaze, or until North West turns 40. Get no-nonsense answers to all of your most pressing questions by writing to justhardtosay@gmail.com or by dropping us a note at our tumblr.
Hi,
I recently took a new job, and for various reasons at my old workplace, I have been telling people that I have a boyfriend just because it makes things easier for me not having other people speculate about my love life. Despite that, I have gotten close to someone who knows I have a boyfriend, sorry, that I "have" "a" "boyfriend", and yet still seems to be interested. Is the expectation that I will just break up with my boyfriend at some point or I am just mistaking his interest?
Helen T.
Dear Helen,
Saying you have a boyfriend is simply one of those that will come true simply by speaking into existence. (Phrases that operate on a similar level are, "I wish there was a Whole Foods around here" and "I wonder if Jimmy Kimmel cried tonight.") Most men find women with boyfriend more attractive, since things are impossible until they aren't. Plus, lots of people cheat. Since your boyfriend is not technically real, he will either never ask about him at all or want to know more.
I'm guessing he is the first kind of person, which means he probably just wants to keep you on the backburner, plus it probably takes off a lot of pressure knowing you are a taken individual.
I respect your lie, but I don't understand how you are going to transition out of it if you really like this guy. And if you don't, the boyfriend will probably have to exist indefinitely.
Hi,
I was reading one of my boyfriend's books and I found a letter that an old girlfriend (I think) had written him. It was very sexual and nothing like the way that we would write or even talk to each other. (We do have a great sex life, but it just is not a verbal thing.) It was in fact rather graphic, not that I have a problem with that, but my boyfriend has never particularly expressed that was the sort of thing he enjoyed. Should this worry me less than it does?
Annie B.
Dear Annie,
In a relationship, say the one between Vice President Pence and his wife Karen, there is a specific erotic rapport that exists for the just the two of you. If you have a great sex life, that is more than enough. Verbal pitter-patter works for some people, and it is fun every once in awhile, but on some level it becomes more forced than authentic.
Whatever relationship he had with someone else is in the past, I mean probably, might not hurt to check the date on that letter.
You want to be authentic, don't you? Don't you?
llustrations by Mia Nguyen. Access This Recording's mobile site at thisrecording.wordpress.com.
