Hard to Say is This Recording’s weekly advice column. It will appear every Wednesday until the Earth perishes in a fiery blaze, or until North West turns 40. Get no-nonsense answers to all of your most pressing questions by writing to justhardtosay@gmail.com.
Hey,
Something has seemed off lately with my partner, Lynn. I haven't seen or heard any actual evidence that she has been cheating on me, and I'm afraid to confront her, entering a sour note into our relationship where previously there had not been any. I've been in a situation before where accusations led to distrust between both parties. Is there any way to bring out the truth without risking everything if it turns out I am wrong?
Sandra T.
Sandra,
Once someone has been unfaithful to you, it is more than natural to look for ghosts where there are not any. Knowing this, it is important that you mount a covert operation with substantially more discretion than a certain James Comey. Don't read texts or e-mails – that would just come back to bite you and it might really hurt your feelings in other ways.
Instead, look to innocently prove than Lynn is doing what she says she is doing when she says she is doing it. People rarely just lie about one thing.
Hi,
My friends Aaron and Jean have been making plans to have a child. (They have had issues conceiving naturally and are now moving onto conception with the aid of a health-care provider.) I have tried to be supportive throughout this process, but neither of them seems like they are exactly itching to become a parent. They both value their own free time quite a bit, and Jean has complained to me at various times of the distance she has felt in the relationship. On the other hand, she argues that 'now is the time' and that Aaron would be a dependable father. Is that a good enough reason to procreate?
Nadine R.
Nadine,
Substantially worse things can happen than being born to two loving parents. Relationships and people need to grove and evolve; maybe it is a dangerous cliche to think that having a child will bring Aaron and Jean closer together, but it is not like that has never happened before in human history. If your friends are devoted enough to the concept to go to this much trouble, there must be some part of them that believes it is the correct choice in their lives. I wouldn't go around judging what kind of parents they are going to be from their behavior as single people, either.
Illustrations by Mia Nguyen.