Blogosphere - This Recording

Alex Carnevale Had His First Ever Dinner Party

Wednesday

Apr302008

In Which Tess Has A Dinner Party And Doesn't Invite Us

Wednesday, April 30, 2008 at 10:13AM

See If You're Invited To My Super Sweet Potluck Now Bitch!

Tess is cheating on This Recording. I can't get TOO mad because she's cheating on us with herself, but I still stood outside her window playing Player's AM Gold hit "Baby Come Back" for eight hours before I realized I was at the wrong house. Anyway, I could totally tell something was up when she stopped returning my phone calls and mysteriously always went offline or changed to "away" status whenever I signed on IM.

"Oh, I'm just having a few people over. Don't be offended. It's not a big deal or anything." - Tess The Liar

Then I found out she was having a dinner party and didn't even invite me (just like Ramona and Jill on The Real Housewives Of New York!) She was all "Whatever! I can't invite everyone!" and I was like "Fine! I'm gonna reblog your content without even asking permission!" and she was all "Then I'm granting you full permission, betch!" and threw a container of icy cold Gazpacho in my face.

Can you fucking believe Tess didn't invite me to this shit?

This was a week later, when I finally tracked her down in a Gelson's parking lot and we had a naked breakup, as in were both nude (it's been really hot lately). Even though it hurts just to read her name, I'm still in love with this blogger and I couldn't deny you the pleasure of hearing about the dinner party that I only heard about through Twitter. You do look weird in that hat Sarah Marshall! I'm gonna go have a good cry. - ML

This Friday. 10 PM. The House Inside My Mind.

by Tess Lynch

Sometimes there has been talk, in the circles in which I have traveled, of whom one would like to invite to one's dinner party. Here's a fairly generic list someone else made (I don't want to go to that dinner party, by the way, though Shirley MacLaine can for sure come to mine).

The tricks to this are to get a good group - no teetotallers, nobody too abrasive, with a uniform opinion of personal hygiene - who will remember your party for the rest of their lives, or until you send them back to their graves, where they rested before they came back for your party.

1. Kristen Wiig

Dear Kristen Wiig,

You are invited to my party. It's not just your "Target Lady" impression, because my boyfriend can copy you almost exactly, so that's kind of whatever. Though I would like to see the real thing over a couple of glasses of cheap white wine and blini. It's more your Suze Orman, Judy Garland, and the fact that you've been in a lot of movies I would like to be in. You also stand up for funny chicks and I think you might get along great with my new friend -

2. Pete Doherty

Pete, my friend Kristin Wiig is single, and she's ready to mingle. And you know, I think you two may really get along. I know you're a really funny guy - that human blood/cat feces thing was hilarious! - and if there's one thing Kristin will appreciate after her improv training, it's stepping over that invisible line between what's funny/safe, and what's hilarious/terrifying. But that's not the only reason you're invited: I'm low on funds and I'm sure you don't eat much. I promise to save a big bottle of Korbel just 4 u.

3. Jermaine Dupri

Jermaine, you're invited because were a baby music genius and you wrote "Money Ain't A Thang" and that's enough of a reason for me; yes, yes, of course you may bring Janet. You and Pete D. can discuss music and, come to think of it, you guys might want to talk about collaborating.

4. Elvis Presley

This one's a no-brainer. Anyone who knows anything knows that they're inviting Elvis to their dinner party - the trick is figuring out which Elvis. After or before his mother died? Before or after the pills, which were introduced to him during his service in Germany? Married or single?

I'm going to have to go with the Elvis circa 1957, after he got his draft notice but before he started basic training. He'd already been on The Steve Allen Show but was still pristinely foxy, which would be great because I could whore him out to

5. Aleksa Palladino

Only the most underrated Super-Girl-Crush ever. Aleksa! Please come to dinner! I will serve you Elvis Presley! Not only have you been in horror movies (Wrong Turn 2!), which I love, but you were also on The Sopranos and are a major babe. A+!

6. Dorothy Parker

There's so much Maude to you, DP.

I absolutely do not need to explain why I want Dorothy at my dinner party. I would sit right next to her, keeping Doherty from touching her inappropriately and making her wisecracks into my ear.

My only concern, really, is that she'd feel kind of -- I don't know, isolated or something. And I hear she could get moody. So, Dot will be sitting next to:

7. Benjamin Franklin

Real photograph of Benjamin Franklin

Here is a story from your Wikipedia which Dorothy would appreciate, Ben, when you come (oh, and bring your Franklin armonica in case we need some old-school jams):

[Ben] worked for his father for a time and at 12 he became an apprentice to his brother James, a printer. When Ben was 15, James created the New England Courant, the first truly independent newspaper in the colonies. When denied the option to write to the paper, Franklin invented the pseudonym of Mrs. Silence Dogood, who was ostensibly a middle-aged widow.

The letters were published in the paper and became a subject of conversation around town. Neither James nor the Courant's readers were aware of the ruse, and James was unhappy with Ben when he discovered the popular correspondent was his younger brother. Franklin left his apprenticeship without permission and in so doing became a fugitive.

You also created the Junto, which Dorothy Parker totally ripped off, in a way, when she founded the Algonquin Round Table. That's just the spice we need for a rip-roarin' time. Caliente!

Read the original post on Tess's blog.

Read Tess's archives at This Recording.

Read more of Tess Lynch on Megan's Law, Carl Sagan, Earthquake Weather and more at tesslynch.blogspot.com.

She's even cheating on Wordpress! Boo, you whore.

P.S. I miss you.
P.P.S. I'm wearing all of your shirts at the same time right now.
P.P.P.S. I was wrong, and I just can't live without you.

Pussy, Pussy, Everywhere And Not A Bite To Eat

"Bragging Party" - The Amps

"for dinner..." - Slint

"Maybe Partying Will Help" - The Minutemen

"Party Of Special Things To Do" - Captain Beefheart

"Pitch In On A Party" - DJ Quik

PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING:

For Her Parties, New York Makes Biscuits From Scratch

Mark Steyn's Wacky Dinner With Roger Kimball

This Recording Is The Party That Makes You Feel Your Age

4 Comments |

Notes on New Yorker Poetry

Friday

Apr252008

In Which Y'All Don't Like Me Blow Me Y'All Are Gonna Keep Fucking Around With Me And Turn Me Back To The Old Me

Friday, April 25, 2008 at 8:35PM

WHOA.

by Alex Carnevale

Whoa.

Since when did I get bounced as EIC of my own "quality miscarriage" as I so often refer to This Recording.

I read my site one day and it has all these pictures on it. I like pictures too but come on!

Whoa. Molly. JK on that one. I've posted more pictures than you've written mixed metaphors.

Whoa. Settle.

Also, Molly. What's up dawg? Are you trying to send me a message. I pick up the free newspaper in New York, and I say to myself, I hope the knife in my back didn't hit any organs.

"Rules of the Game" - Brazilian Girls (mp3)

That hurts, Molly. That hurts a lot, OK?

Why do people read This Recording? Why should you read This Recording? It is what you are asking yourself, always, as you sort through the pages of Molly's dreams.

We will never leave you. There is everything here. You're not going to believe what I am going to post tomorrow.

I'll post this right now. In the words of Eric Cartman, I do what I want!

Alex Carnevale is the editor of This Recording.

"King of Wishful Thinking" - New Found Glory (mp3)

PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING

A Poetics Inappropriate to This and Probably All Mediums

Feeling Up John Ashbery

1 Comment |

forever is not long enough

Tuesday

Apr222008

In Which We Go Back To Middle School

Tuesday, April 22, 2008 at 10:00AM

Diary Of A Teenage Girl

by Mylinh Trieu Nguyen

Do you remember what it was like to be an awkward insecure teenager? You're probably shuddering with recognition right now remembering what it was like not to know where to sit at lunch, who might want to beat you up for giving them the side-eye in science class. Most of us were more Angela Chase than Juno, middle school was more Freaks And Geeks than Gossip Girl.

It's also a lot easier than we'd like to think to regress. Sometimes just the presence of someone you knew way back when can trigger all the old feelings. How I Met Your Mother dealt with this last night, when Robin Sparkles's ex-beau came back and gave her "associative regression syndrome" aka Revertigo.

This is when a journal comes in handy. Mylinh Trieu Nguyen kept hers, and she's been reposting it online ten years (to the day!) after the fact. It's nice to be know that no matter how bad, boring, or totally hopeless things may seem right now, they really did actually used to be worse. - M.L.

Mylinh Trieu in high school, probably on AOL instant messenger

April 14, 1998 12:10 am (after midnight)

Dear Journal,

Well here I am after a non-working day. My name is Mylinh Trieu. I am thirteen right now. I was born in Monterrey Park, California on October 3, 1984. I am currently living in Cathedral City. This is my actual first “diary”, or I would prefer journal. I am on spring break vacation so it is really boring. I have two brothers and one sister. My mom is a single mom, working at a salon. My mom and dad had a divorced when I was really young. Or maybe I just didn’t want to remember it. He was a really bad guy. I didn’t care for him, so it did not matter to me that much.

I am just sitting here listening to Third Eye Blind on the Desert’s Rock, KCLB. My favorite band is the Smashing Pumpkins. I really love their music. It is depressing, in my sisters point of view, but I still like them.

I am attending James Workman Middle School of technology and Arts. It is a great school of high standards. I am doing well in academics. There are a lot of cute guys here too. I like one guy, he is really handsome. I don’t know him that well and have really never talked to him before. His name is Johnathan Lopez. I’ve heard things about him but really never heard about the facts. There is also Joey Oliveros. He is really smart and I know him better than how much I know about John. Joey was dumped by this idiot, slut, girlfriend Tiffany. She flirts with everyone and she broke up with him because she was going to move away in the summer and didn’t want to hurt him then so she wanted to do it right before spring break. I think that she did it because she wanted to get other guys and needed to get rid of Joey to do so. This is only my theory though.

Well enough for one night.

Farewell, sleeptight.

newly uncovered time capsule of ancient artifacts

April 15, 1998 1:40 pm (AFTERNOON)

Dear Journal,

I really like writing down my feelings and thoughts toward subjects and people. Right now I am watching Daria. It’s a show on MTV. My friend Sarah Lankaar says I talk like Daria and think like her. Shes so fake—I mean a cartoon.

Well, I am really weird. I have a sort of low self esteem phase. It happens when I see skinny girls and how much they have. Like um…Boyfriends, cool friends, attention, and you are popular. I guess I am sort of popular in my brain. I am smart and that’s how people know me. They say, “Oh, there goes Mylinh, MISS SMARTASS!” or they just call me “Smarty.” I really like who I am and everything, but I would like to also have some of the things the other girls do and have. Sometimes I don’t…I really don’t want those things because they make a person so superficial and non-interesting because of the topics they would talk about. Some girls I know are sooo smart – deep down inside somewhere under the popular mask. They talk about stupid stuff all about them and only them.

My hobbies- I just want to bring it up – swimming – I like to do it but get bored of it when I get into the second hour of doing the strokes I hate. I have mastered breastroke. It’s my favorite. I am an okay freestyler. I like to play soccer too. I am okay at that because I was introduced just this year.

It’s soo windy outside it’s so unbelieveable. It is supposed to be hot and because of EL NINO the weather has gone wack!

Well, I might write some more later in the day!

water polo trophy plaques

April 15, 1998 3:47 pm (AfterNOON)

I would like to talk about family now. My mom came from Vietnam but her parents were a mixture. Her dad was Chinese and her mom Vietnamese. My uncle is named Steven Long Trieu. I love them very much! My sister Sony got married to James A. Smith about two years ago. He is really nice, smart, and cool. I am very happy my sister chose someome kind and someone she is attracted to. They just bought a new house in Granada Hills. It is a great environment to start a family. I like visiting them because of the activities she plans for us. My older brother Vinh graduated from USC and is now living in Los Angeles. He is a video game fanatic. He is working in Circuit City and is an electronic wizard. He has met so many movie, music, and other forms or stars. He used to work in a Virgin Megastore on Sunset Blvd. He has a roommate named Wayne. I have a younger brother named Nhan but we call him Kevin his classmates couldn’t pronounce his name. I have two dogs. They are Lotus and Lamborghini. Lotus is a pretty, sweet, kind dog. She is a reddish-orange color. Lamborghini is a dog we adopted from a police lady. She found her in Los Angeles. Lamborghini was left there, deserted by her family, that moved away. We felt sorry for her and took her into our home. We love them very much. They are both girls.

Have you noticed my handwriting is much neater? Well, I was tired last night, or should I say early this morning. I also write fast when I think too much of what to write. Well, later!

more ancient artifacts

April 15, 1998 11:09 pm (just before midnight)

We came back from Price Costco and bought a bunch of food. Speaking of food, my favorite food is Japanese. I love sushi. The feeling and taste of raw fish, rice seaweed paper, and pickled ginger in my mouth is just so yummy. I also like the California rolls because of how good the sushi master makes it at Kiyosaki. When I was younger I thought of raw fish as the grosses food on earth, but now as I grow up, I change in taste too.

I am deciding to go on a diet. NOT ANOREXCIA! I won’t go thin, but will got to tone. I really want to look nice.

I like to listen to alternative rock. Just thought you would like to know. I am just trying to write stuff about me that you, the reader, should know. I hate Hanson – the three boy/girl/whatever gender- are so gay!! My favorite basketball team is/are the Chicago Bulls.

Favorite colors: Pink, Blue, and Green(kinda). I am 4’11”, 100 lbs, reddish/brown hair, brown eyes, and tan skinned. Just watch Jay Leno right now. It is 11:38. I am bored. I miss school. I miss seeing my friends and also other “special” people like John. I like seeing his smile. I’m weird! I guess it’s just a phase of puberty. You’ll hear so much about him later on. Well goodnight, sleeptight, and don’t let the bed bugs bite!!

the author undergoing evolution

April 16, 1998 – 12:55 am

DeaR JOURNAL,

WELL, RIGHT NOW I AM WATCHING CONAN O’BRIEN ON THE LATE SHOW. HE IS SO FUNNY. THEY ARE SHOWING ELEPHANT POOP. HE PUT IT ON THE DESK (CONAN’S) AND HE JUST WAS DISGUSTED. I AM GOING TO KEEP TRYING TO WRITE IN CAPITALS, BUT IF I STOP, DON’T GET MAD!! WELL, I COOKED SPAGHETTI AND CHICKEN CHUNKS FOR DINNER. I ADDED BELL PEPPER, THAT I GRILLED BEFORE I MIXED IT IN WITH THE SAUCE. I WAS THINKING A LOT TODAY ABOUT MY WEIGHT. I AM NOT GOING TO BE ANOREXIC, BUT I WANT TO BE SKINNY! I WANT TO LOOK BETTER. I WANT TO GO BACK SWIMMING, BUT THE WEATHER IS TOO COLD. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I WILL EXERCISE AND EAT WELL. I WILL HAVE 3 CUPS OF MILK, 8 CUPS OF WATER, 2 BANANAS, 6 STRAWBERRIES, AND MAYBE SOME CHICKEN CHUNKS! DOES THAT SOUND GOOD? I DON’T REALLY CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT ME, BUT I WANT TO BE FIT. YOU KNOW, WHEN I GROW UP AND GET MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS I WILL PUT THEM IN SPORTS, MAKE THEM EAT WELL AND PROVIDE A CLEAN LOVING ENVIRONMENT FOR THEM. I WANT TO START THEM WEN THEY ARE YOUNG. I THINK SWIMMING, SOCCER, ANY WATERSPORT, BASKETBALL, OR WHATEVER INTEREST THEM WILL BE FINE. I WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE THEM TO ARTS TOO. LIKE MAKING CEREMIC OBJECTS, PAINTING, MOLDING, TOURS OF MUSEUMS, AND CRAFTS. INTRODUCING THEM TO NATURE IS IMPORTANT TOO. THE IMPORTANT THING FOR THEM TO LEARN ARE MORALS. I JUST WANT TO BE A GOOD PARENT. THAT WOULD BE FAR FROM NOW, BUT JUST PLANNING.

WELL, NIGHTY, NIGHT!!

Mylinh with her AZN muji pens

April 17, 1998 – 8:54 pm

HIDEE HO! JOURNALRENO! DO YOU LIKE COLOUR? WELL, I AM GOING TO WRITE IN COLOUR TODAY!! WE JUST CAME HOME FROM KIYOSAKI, THE JAPANESE RESTAURANT. IT WAS REALLY GOOD AND FILLING. WELL I AM GOING TO STOP WRITING IN CAPS. My brother just killed a black widow in our garage and it was gross! I GUESS I CAN’T STOP WRITING IN CAPS CAN I! WELL GEES!!! I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING INTERESTING TODAY SO TRY ME TOMORROW! LATER!!!!

P.S. I FOUND MY OLD CHINESE KINDERGARDEN BOOK AND I AM ADDING IT TO THE JOURNAL!

Present Day Mylinh

April 18, 1998 – 11:00 pm

Hey Journal!

So, I am siting here watching “The Adams Family.” It’s an old movie but really funny. We just finished our dinner. We had El Polo Loco. It was alright. I exercised today too. I eat right and feel good. I am going to stop eating chips and cookies at school. Maybe once a week, have a pizza or a chicken pattie. But no chips or cookies, and fries. I was doing some algebra today because of the Golden State Exams.

I hate my little brother. He is such a wimp. I hit him on the hand because he was saying how perfect his hands were and how ugly my were compared to his. I hit him like not even hard and he totally gets into a fit! He tells my mom and crys about it. My mom tells me that if my brother ever says a bad word, then it is my fault because I made him mad! Its all my fault isn’t it! I’m the smart one! I can’t wait to go to college and leave from the blaming and pressure! Sleep!!!

P.S. This journal is going to help me a lot!

Photo by Ye Rin Mok

MORE OF THE (MODERN) MYLINH

Mylinh's Flickr

Mylinh's Blog

ASDF Makes

SONGS FOR LONG HARD LONELY NIGHTS:

"Dear Doctor (acoustic)" - The Rolling Stones

"Dead Flowers (acoustic)" - The Rolling Stones

"Angie (acoustic)" - The Rolling Stones

PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING:

This Recording On Childhood

This Recording On Adolescence

TR Takes You Behind The Middle School And Gets You Pregnant

2 Comments |