In Which We Try To Find The Hook In What You're Saying Or Singing

The New York Review of Hooks

by Alex Carnevale

To celebrate tumblrs getting laid we have put together some hooks for you. It's been awhile. But no worries, we have all of the hooks.

"Knickerbocker" - Fujiya & Miyagi (mp3)

"Pickpocket" - Fujiya & Miyagi (mp3)

"Goosebumps" - Fujiya & Miyagi (mp3)

"Hundreds & Thousands" - Fujiya & Miyagi (mp3)

The new Fujiya & Miyagi is too cute at first but then it settles in with the jams. This is a tough time to make electronic music. They try to outgoofy Datarock and it kind of all comes together on this album, Lightbulbs. Faux-Orientalism reminds us primarily of that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry dated the white girl with the Asian last name. Did you see that Microsoft just signed Seinfeld to be the Vista salesman of the future? Will Larry David be the Mac guy? Stay tuned.

mike francesa and chris 'maddog' russo

Jerry used to call up WFAN from time to time. It is in this vein that we mourn the passing of the Mike and the Mad Dog program. There was no bigger fan of this program than me. Trust me. I immediately signed up for a Sirius description so I can follow Chris Russo's 2 p.m. to 7 p.m. show on the Mad Dog Channel. Sports talk radio is horrible but addictive. These guys were the absolute class of their profession. I still have the moving final show that Mike did as Mike and the Mad Dog on my DVR. Dog, it's too much. They did a nice job. Mike's new show is supposedly going to be called Mike'd Up on the Radio but we'll see.

"Retiro Park" - The Clientele (mp3)

"Share the Night" - The Clientele (mp3)

The new EP from The Clientele is underwhelming. Where's the swirling noisescape of their last album? I don't even know what kind of music they're making or who they're trying to entertain with this one. "Share the Night" is OK but it's all just a little too pop.

Whoa you guys, don't get my sexy fanfiction special powers going

Hillary's speech last night was the best mixed message of her career. The subtext was Hillary 2012, and then you have George Stephanopoulus, clearly still drawing a paycheck from the Clintons, crowing about how no sore loser has ever done more for the nominee. Maureen Dowd's column was awesome on this point. James Taranto's round-up of the Clinton movement was the hilarious bow on that story. To be fair, it's not Hillary that bothers me. I really liked this speech she did. It's that bastard Bill. How dare he put a cigar in a woman's vagina and make me watch about 538 hours of MSNBC in 1996? I will never forgive those horrible people for the days they took from my life.

The new Bloc Party is so bad I don't think I can post the tracks here, unless you think it will get me more traffic from Hype Machine? Yes? No? The cover reminds one of Wham!, only darker.

Is it just me or the new tiger cub coming off as a bit of a racist a-hole? Pretty soon he's going to be asking for creative control and calling people 'sweetie.'

there is nothing worse than a tiger with creative control

Apparently this tiger is attached to the next Kal Penn project. True story. He's also behind the Orwell Diaries.

"Slow Down" - The Beatles (mp3)

"I Feel Fine" - The Beatles (mp3)

"Bad Boy" - The Beatles (mp3)

Shucks I always thought John Lennon was singing about white people's problems. He only really became interesting to me insofar as he was the cultural embodier for the kind of behavior discussed in Edward Said's Orientalism. But then Edward turned me off with that whole throwing the rock at the Israeli soldiers thing.

edward said

So I went back to the Beatles to ascertain what they had to offer beyond the usual WPP. I really feel that I'm more like Paul McCartney, especially in light of what happened with that superbetch Heather Mills. This of course moved me into a Google Image Search loop where I tried to find an attractive picture of Heather. This is what I came up with:

There's also these naked ones, but this blog has a reputation with families, and I can't sour it. I can only link quietly, and post them on my secret tumblr.

Damon Albarn is the Hillary Clinton of indie, attempting to reinvent his ugly laugh in a new promotional video. I begrudgingly listen to his bullshit. I don't understand why he has to have forty-five different projects. His new one with Jamie Hewlett is a stage thing called Monkey.

Tripitaka and the other pilgrims travel to the cave of the Spider Woman, who tries to seduce Tripitaka. Pigsy is distracted by the Spider Woman's sexy companions, allowing the Spider Woman to trap Tripitaka. Sandy rushes off to find Monkey, who then defeats the Spider Woman. Feeling sorry for expelling Monkey, Tripitaka asks Monkey to rejoin the group and so he does.

"March of the Volunteers" - Monkey (mp3)

"Confessions of a Pig" - Monkey (mp3)

"Sandy the River Demon" - Monkey (mp3)

We also hear he's going to go back in time and rename Blur "Chimp." How about a little continuity? That's the sign of a major drug addict, or a blogger. Could Damon possibly work with Seal? How do we make that happen? I saw Heidi Klum outside Starbucks on 61st Street last month. I said, "Auf weidersehen, Heidi."

As someone wrote to me, the new Walkmen is so boring that only Pitchfork could like it. Actually, it's a mystery how anyone could like it. If at your best you're the poor man's Elbow, isn't it time to find out if you have a future in catering or something?

"Mover" - The Verve (mp3)

Speaking of deeply personal fixations, I quoted Richard Ashcroft in my high school yearbook. He and I were briefly one, then I put on the freshman fifteen and stopped styling myself as Jesus. I thought I had a serious chance with Kate Radley. I bought all the subsequent Ashcroft albums before Nick McCabe had a mid-life crisis and realized he was nothing without Richard. I bought the "Alone With Everybody" single. (I was the only person to buy that single.) And to come to this point, and have them reunite and deliver a thoroughly inoffensive album. Well...this is more than I could have ever asked for and definitely softens the pain of losing Mike and the Mad Dog.

That of course leads into a discussion of Sexy Jesus from Hamlet 2. Although I am willing to devote a 1000 word review to Tropic Thunder, there's not much to say about Hamlet 2. It's entirely hilarious, and I love Steve Coogan and a returning Elisabeth Shue as herself. This is from a person who went to see Venice in movie theaters. Catherine Keener looks like the inside of a juicer though, can we get her off of my movie screens?

"Nausea (The Chap Remix)" - Beck (mp3)

"Nausea (Bumblebeez Remix)" - Beck (mp3)

"Dark Star (Sitek Remix)" - Beck (mp3)

"True Love Will Find You In The End (Daniel Johnston cover)" - Beck (mp3)

I find any album titled Modern Guilt to be by definition difficult to take. Scientology is such a destructive and evil belief. At least we have these awesome remixes from his 2006 album, The Information. Seriously though I can't abide  being a Scientologist.

This is great music to listen to while Britt Julious punks Maura Johnston. Tumblr feud is the only real feud besides Family Feud. People are so dumb sometimes. This amused me though:

How many artists have you actually “supported,” and not just paid attention to in the post-downloading rush?

As if she knew how much Britt spent on music! Britt is totally taking money out of Chris Martin's pocket. It's so true. I'm glad someone is finally backing up Pitchfork, albeit only the 2008 version. My eyes have officially rolled into the back of my head. Good god. Honestly what do you expect from a Mets fan? Just kidding Mets fans, we know you like to download.

My new fascination is Daniel Johnston, and sorry if you already know this story.

In 1990, he played at South By Southwest, a music festival in Austin, Texas. On the way back to West Virginia on a small, private plane piloted by his father, Johnston had a manic episode and wrestled control of the plane away from his father, removing the key from the ignition and throwing it out of the plane. His father, a World War II fighter pilot, managed to successfully crash-land the plane in a wooded area. Although the plane was destroyed, Johnston and his father emerged unharmed. As a result of this episode, Johnston was involuntarily committed to a mental hospital.

"Like a Monkey in a Zoo" - Daniel Johnston (mp3)

"Love Not Dead" - Daniel Johnston (mp3)

"True Love Will Find You In The End" - Daniel Johnston (mp3)

Alex Carnevale is the editor of This Recording. He tumbls here.

from jess' hot tumblr, follow her now plz

PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING

It never really occurred.

You have got to be kidding me.

Baffling, we say.