In Which Hillary Clinton Is The Seagoat of Our Wildest Dreams

This is the second part of a series in which our guest astrologer breaks down the star charts of the presidential candidates. You can read Barack Obama's breakdown here.

The Supersuperdelegates:

Horoscoping the 2008 Presidential Election

by Zelina Kurkova

Hillary Clinton
October 26 1947
Chicago, IL

If anyone can defy astrology, it is Hillary Clinton. A powerhouse as a mere child, Hillary is made of iron and rock. Her star chart shows an aggressive Capricorn. Prudent and ambitious are both traits of this sign, but as double Capricorn, Hillary tends towards the negative, her miserliness coming across in a campaign that can't pay its bills. As a president, Hillary would be a hard person to work for. She tends to separate people more than bring them together, although she never could separate Bill from the genitals of other women. Still, a Capricorn who has survived tumult, like a dying, damaged and pregnant goat, knows it can surmount anything.

i'm the one who wants to be with you

Rising Sign is in 13 Degrees Capricorn
You are practical and reserved but very ambitious. An achiever and a hard worker, you respect success. Older looking and very serious as a youth, things lighten up and you relax more as you mature. You have a serious view of the world as being a difficult place to be in. Very envious of those who seem to have an easier life than you have, relaxation and play do not come easily. It is important that you had abundant parental support as a child so that you do not feel lonely and isolated as an adult. You are purposeful, self-willed, industrious, realistic and responsible.

Sun is in 02 Degrees Scorpio.
Intense and complex by nature, you have extremely strong emotional reactions to most situations. Feelings are often very difficult for you to verbalize. Therefore you have a tendency to be very quiet - to brood and think a lot. You seldom get overtly angry, but, when you do, you are furious and unforgiving. If you are challenged, you take it as a personal affront and tend to lash out and fight back in a vengeful manner. You love mysteries and the supernatural. You are known to be very willful, very powerful and quite tenacious!

that's my husband!!!

"Big Mistake" - Tim Fite (mp3)

Moon is in 24 Degrees Pisces.
You have strong feelings and are extremely sensitive. It would help if you had a thicker skin - you tend to react emotionally to every situation you come across. Kind, gentle and considerate of the feelings of others, you are good at taking care of the sick, wounded and helpless. But you tend to absorb the energy of others -- so avoid those who are always negative. You have a rich, creative and lively imagination, but you should be careful not to spend all your time daydreaming. Very intuitive, you have good ESP and may be quite clairvoyant or psychic. Remember that you too have the right to get what you want from life. If you are always defensive and kowtowing to others, people will take advantage of you and exploit you.

fraud, hypocrite, hillary

Mercury is in 21 Degrees Scorpio.
When you become upset or angry, your emotional reactions are overpowering - reason and logic disappear in an uncontrollable passionate outburst. You tend to keep your thoughts secret and bottled up and this makes others regard you with suspicion. It is not that you are trying purposely to be evasive, it is just that you would rather not deal with the explosions and hassles that often occur when you reveal your true feelings and opinions. Your sense of humor tends toward sarcasm and irony.

Venus is in 16 Degrees Scorpio.
Your feelings about others are deep, powerful, intense and complex. When you like someone, you do so totally and obsessively if you do not like someone, they do not exist. Your faithfulness and loyalty to your lover is unquestioned, indeed at times it is too much so - you get so possessive that you almost smother your partner. At times, your feelings are kept deep within you and, because they are so complex and intense, they frighten you - this is the way that you try to ignore them. But the more you try to do this, the more explosive things get when you eventually do express them.

this is also hillary's face during billtercourse

Mars is in 14 Degrees Leo.
You are a very proud person. Strong, bold, courageous and self-possessed, you love to be the one to initiate significant actions. When people expect a lot of you, you respond positively and will work hard in order to maintain their respect. But when your dignity or pride is threatened, you tend to become sarcastic, arrogant and domineering. Try not to take any challenge or resistance that you meet as a personal affront.

Jupiter is in 00 Degrees Sagittarius.
You have a very strong sense of ethics and morality. At times, you have an annoying tendency to be self-righteous and preachy about your belief system. You are usually quite idealistic and you demand the right to be able to explore the entire world of experiences yourself. Remember to grant others the similar right - be tolerant, not dogmatic.

"For Halloween" - No Kids (mp3)

she looks like one of those conan o'brien if they mated photoshops

Saturn is in 21 Degrees Leo.
Extremely self-reliant, you set very high standards of conduct and decorum for yourself, and you expect others with whom you associate to be that way, too. It is important that you had a strong father figure or role model early in life to mold your life course and direction.

"My Party Is Better Than Yours" - Emmy the Great (mp3)

hillary sees a mirror

Uranus is in 25 Degrees Gemini.
You, and your peer group as well, are attracted to new, unusual and revolutionary thoughts, ideas and lifestyles. You prefer abstract, idealistic solutions to practical, immediately useful answers. You delight in communications, the mass media, electronics, computers and all sorts of gadgetry.

Neptune is in 11 Degrees Libra.
You, and your entire generation, idealize all of the various experimental approaches to relationships -- including "living together", the formation of communes and collectives and the whole concept of "open" marriages. There is a stress on weakened commitments on an emotional and contractual level, but there are heightened expectations of the level of commitment and mutual support on the spiritual and metaphysical level.

you have failed the promise of your generation

N. Node is in 23 Degrees Taurus.
It's not in your nature to seek out many casual acquaintances in your daily round of activities. You feel much more comfortable with a small, close-knit group of people - those with whom you can relax and work toward known and clearly defined goals. You choose your partners and relationships so carefully that you're bound to gain certain advantages from them, including those of a material nature. Be careful though not to let mere self-service be your motivation in establishing your connections - make sure that there's an even give-and-take!

Zelina Kurkova is an astrologer living in New York. Tune in this weekend, when Zelina examines the star chart of John McCain.

senators

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In Which Barack Obama Is All Up In The Stars And Shit

How can you really know a political candidate? This isn't purely a rhetorical question, as my two part series on Obama was pretty much the final word on that. Still, the stars can speak of what man cannot conceive. We turn the podium over to our guest astrologer Zelina Kurkova, a friend of This Recording and the only person I trust to watch the stars.

The Supersuperdelegates:

Horoscoping the 2008 Presidential Election

by Zelina Kurkova

Barack Obama
August 4 1961
Honolulu, HI

Like many of you, I first encountered Senator Obama during his speech at the Democratic National Convention. I found him eloquent, sure, but also full of dark portents and a hot six-pack. As a Leo, Senator Obama is typically a Type-A personality with a steely exterior. What follows is my analysis of Mr. Obama's star chart:

Rising Sign is in 02 Degrees Scorpio
You tend to be quiet, reserved, secretive and, at times, quite difficult to understand. Others notice your deep emotions and feelings and wonder how to draw you out. Stubborn and tough, you fight for any position you believe in. You are very resourceful and formidable when you become angered or upset about something. Easily hurt by others, you often strike back with bitter sarcasm.

Black: Obama 81% Clinton 7%
White: Clinton 50% Obama 39%

Women: Clinton 51% Obama 40%
Men: Obama 60% Clinton 28%

Sun is in 12 Degrees Leo.
More than a bit of a showoff, you love to be the center of attention! But others do not usually mind because they tend to enjoy your genuine warmth and affection. Very spirited and willful, proud and self-important at times, you demand your own way. You are quite honest, however, and the respect of others is very important to you. You never compromise yourself and you pursue your goals with persistence and dedication. Your regal presence and demeanor draws you to positions of leadership and authority.

yeah, i'm listening, keep talking

Moon is in 29 Degrees Taurus.
Warmth, comfort, security and familiar surroundings are necessary for you to feel at ease. Very loving and affectionate, you prefer a steady, patterned way of life. Patient, calm and steadfast, you are not easily upset. Others look to you for support. You tend to be a slow starter and a slow mover - others may try to rush you, but they will never succeed. Emotionally, you are quite stubborn - your attitudes about people and things were firmly set in your youth and will change very little as an adult.

Mercury is in 01 Degrees Leo.
You are usually quite convinced that your own ideas are correct and you enjoy persuading others that they are. At times, you are very stubborn and proud of your beliefs and principles, and you get very defensive when they are challenged. You appreciate truth and honesty - you practice it yourself and expect it in others. You have good talent for organizing, directing and planning. You delight in being asked for your advice and counsel.

barack demonstrated his p. size before he became a christian

Venus is in 01 Degrees Cancer.
You like to be very close to other people. You need emotional support yourself and are willing to give it to others. When you feel unloved and insecure, you can be very jealous and possessive. You are not interested in casual or superficial relationships - only deep emotional involvements interest you. Your faithful devotion is one of your greatest gifts, but be careful not to become too dependent on others. Learn to stand on your own two feet and demand your own rights once in a while.

samantha power accepting honorary degree from brown

Jupiter is in 00 Degrees Aquarius.
Your personal growth occurs when you have the freedom to do things in new and interesting ways - this brings out your natural inventiveness. You are an individualist, but you are also attracted to mass movements that emphasize social betterment and you will devote much time and energy to their efforts. Very fair- minded and objective, you have extraordinary skills at organization and administration.

"Tattoo (Jason Nevins extended remix)" - Jordin Sparks (mp3)

Saturn is in 25 Degrees Capricorn.
Very serious-minded and mature, you have the ability to take on responsibilities and to carry out important duties. You can also be trusted to be extremely practical and thrifty. A good organizer, you are the ideal one to be counted on to take a clearly defined project through to its logical conclusion. An achiever, you pride yourself on your ability to focus your attention totally on some worthy goal and then attain it.

"Shooting Star" - Air Traffic (mp3)

Neptune is in 08 Degrees Scorpio.
You are extremely interested in anything deep and mysterious. You will explore and idealize the benefits that can accrue from the study of the occult, healing and psychology. You are willing to experiment with substances like drugs in order to push your understanding of your inner being to the extreme.

N. Node is in 27 Degrees Leo.
You prefer to take the leadership role when it comes to dealing with others. You enjoy administering and organizing group activities. Others tend to listen to your suggestions because you aren't usually overly domineering or patronizing in your interactions. You love to entertain in a big way - you're at your best when throwing a large and lavish party. Your popularity and social success are assured as long as you don't take others for granted - resist the temptation to become snobbish and arrogant.

Zelina Kurkova is an astrologer living in New York. This is her first appearance in these pages. Tomorrow Zelina examines the star chart of Hillary Clinton.

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In Which I Just Wish I Were A Lot Older Or A Lot Younger

dora maar au chat

What Are We Looking For If Not to Please?

by Molly Young

The men at the next table are talking politics. "Nixon got elected because his head was so big," one of them says. Starbucks has emptied out and each occupied table makes a conspicuous contribution to the ambient noise.

This is how I hear the couple next to me speaking Portuguese. A man and a woman, each partner picking up exactly where the other left off so there is no pause in conversation.

The two are short and dark, with the butter-dense volume of moneyed Europeans. Like Picasso. Thick and virile, even the women. They must eat a lot of sardines.

picasso & his wife

Anyhow. The woman is lovely.

She acts as though she’s young and beautiful, even though she’s not. It’s a kind of confidence that makes Americans resentful of Europeans. For them, I guess, looks are incidental to attractiveness. I’m generalizing here.

birkin, gardner

This is what I am thinking as I watch the Portuguese couple. They have drinks but barely touch them, and this strikes me as another important distinction between Them and Us. When Americans buy drinks, we drink them fast. My cup has been empty since I got here. I drank it quickly in order to finish it before I realized that I wanted something else.

This, incidentally, is one of the reasons Americans love buffets. Because we think that satisfying an appetite is about having a lot of choices. Ditto malls. These things prey on the anxiety that if you don’t get to see everything you’ll miss out.

But then, of course, that anxiety doesn’t go away even after you’ve seen everything. Instead you wind up feeling anxious AND glutted – a horrible combo.

alt, casta

The Portuguese couple finish their drinks and get up to leave, still talking. The man takes his wife’s cup and throws it away for her. They amble out the door and I return to my Starbucks brochure that I found near the Splenda, and which I am reading because I forgot my book. It tells me that Starbucks offers up to 87,000 different drink combinations, and at the same time I read this someone orders a raspberry hot chocolate with gusto.

Molly Young is the senior contributor to This Recording. She lives in Providence, Rhode Island. Her website is Magic Molly, and you can read her past work on TR here, here, here, here, here, and here.

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In Which We Vivisect Eliot Spitzer's Motivations

No Country for Pwned Men

by Molly Lambert

Eliot Spitzer's fish-face of regret...about getting caught

Women don't really hate men. I mean, granted we hate some men, but only the ones who really deserve it. Eliot Spitzer is the worst kind of hypocrite. But there are those less obvious cases, like when Emosogynists ramble on and on about how they've learned something they actually haven't. But really, we love men. We just try not to date the ones that pattern themselves after fictional guys named Tony (Soprano, Montana, Manero).

I solemnly swear to cheat on my wife with hookers

I believe the issue with Spitzer, like most sexual issues, isn't really about sex but about power. People who seek office or fame have to be egotistical in order to pursue those positions. If they succeed, it justifies the narcissism that led them to try.

Silda Spitzer has the thousand yard stare of Carmela Soprano

Allowing yourself to represent other people's interests requires that you believe in Nietzche's Ubermensch. You must believe you are righter and smarter than the other people who claim to genuinely know what's best for the masses.

Power also brings cynicism about the civilians who trust in these crooked father figures. And if you really think that you're superior to other people, you probably will also start to feel that the rules don't apply to you. The roots of morality are completely tangled up with those of fascism.

Lt. David Paterson, next in line to replace Spitzer. Paterson's a blind Black man from Harlem who probably doesn't pay to fuck prostitutes.

Which is why somebody like Eliot Spitzer can prosecute vice while employing it. It's why metropolitan police departments are almost inevitably crooked and why The Wire will be so tremendously missed. It's why any hypocrite, especially in the field of sexual deviance, thinks they can get away with it.

Mad Men's Peggy and Joan talk gender politics at the office

It's called hubris, and it's what you need to get elected. It's the same thing that makes you think nobody's going to blow the whistle on you when it's your turn to be wiretapped.

hands across adultery

Why don't powerful women engage in more shenanigans? Well, sometimes they do. They're just better at not getting caught. JK (kinda). Mainly it's that women in positions of authority are under much more intense scrutiny, and can't risk getting caught fucking up on or outside the job.

Peg O' My Heart

Also we don't need to get blowjobs on the side to confirm our masculinity. Being able to advance in the workplace at all is generally enough of a power rush for our formerly chained to the stove gender.

President Peggy Olson (Elisabeth Moss) with Vice President Joan Holloway (Christina Hendricks)

We're with Gertrude Stein when we say that patriarchy as a system is irreparably fucked. Peggy Olson for President.

Molly Lambert is senior editor of This Recording.

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