In Which Sarah Has The Courage To Read These Books So You Don't Have To

Summer Reading

Part Four

by Sarah Lynn Knowles

Be honest. We're not looking to learn anything profound this summer, at least not intentionally. I guess if I happen to absorb some ultra-meaningful, life-changing gem by mistake whilst traipsing past a tropical vacation waterfall, then so be it. I'll realize a life lesson if it bites me in the face, but it's certainly not on my agenda, no - especially not when it comes to browsing the bookshelves for a perfect summer reading pick.

Poolside reading requires a particular breed of book, to be sure. And while it's tough to pinpoint which attributes the ideal choice should include, it's generally pretty apparent what it shouldn't. Heavily-layered plots inducing high-level brain function are out, as are repeated mentions of snowstorms or avalanches ('cause see that just wouldn't make sense).

Selection can prove tricky indeed, but luckily I'm here to help. Let me walk you through several examples that may at first glance seem appropriate - perhaps even misleadingly so - in order to prepare you for the summer reading search.

Such an itty-bitty spine on About Alice by Calvin Trillin, and such ample leading between lines. Have we stumbled upon the breeziest of reads?

ALAS, NO: Heed your college boyfriend's advice this once: It isn't always size that matters. This book pays tribute to the longtime New Yorker writer's late wife Alice, who apparently taught Trillin everything he knows about marriage, love, and life. By his accounts, she was one tough chick, lasting roughly three decades past her cancer diagnosis to pass away on September 11, 2001.

Maybe you're cool with weeping on public beaches, but I've got a rep to uphold.

"We Used To Read Books" - The Declining Winter (mp3)

To get your fill of Big Apple adventures, you might consider Hack: How I Stopped Worrying About What to Do with My Life and Started Driving a Yellow Cab by Melissa Plaut. It's based on a blog, which, as we all know, are made up entirely of pointless, shallow fluff.

ALAS, NO: Around chapter one you'll get to the part where being a female cabbie is like, totally hard. Tales of sexual harassment, kidney failure, and near-fatal accidents do not a stress-free vacation make.

"Time for Yourself" - Earlimart (mp3)

Surely a couple of YA novels will do the trick. How about Ball Don't Lie by Matt de la Pena, or Paranoid Park by Blake Nelson?

ALAS, NO: A solid idea in theory. 'Til you remember most teens are extreme depressives that feed off dark tales of - respectively - a hopelessly forgotten foster kid who plays ball to keep the OCD at bay, and a virginity-snatching cop-killer fending off investigators while his parents busy themselves with divorce. See, one wrong book selection and you've ruined everybody's time at the resort.

In a pinch we can depend upon Kurt Vonnegut to wow us with some summertime wacky. Shall we be tempted by Armageddon in Retrospect - a story collection released on the one-year anniversary of his death?

"Kurt Vonnegut" - Born Ruffians (mp3)

ALAS, NO: Be forewarned the volume (though gorgeously written) is war-themed, and not at all uplifting. Even WWII-centered Slaughterhouse-Five contained more LOL moments than this. Not a lotta fun happening on the front lines these days; save this one for your winter blues.

Judith Levine's Not Buying It: My Year Without Shopping is a thoughtful diary of a year spent swearing off the purchase of any non-necessity. Though lately you're falling prey to retail therapy pretty often just to soak up the air conditioning your local strip mall offers, you can break to sip a mojito on the patio and live vicariously through her courageous tales, yes?

ALAS, NO: Save this personally political read for New Year's resolution time. You'll be more pepped up to root for Levine, since that's when her one-year experiment starts anyway. You'll only feel like a guilty asshole reading about it now.

Was She Pretty? by Leanne Shapton is predominately illustrations! Forget scanning so many words line-by-line: Here it's just gaze and flip, gaze and flip. If you can swing OK Mag, you can swing this, no problem.

ALAS, NO: The line drawings and accompanying musings detail the unavoidable experience of fixating on who your exes dated before you, and how you compare. It will take roughly a half hour to get through, but the easily identifiable mini-stories will rev up anxieties you thought you'd laid to rest years ago. Not the best option for a relaxing day by the pool.

Well then, what better time than now to catch up on the classics? Perhaps the originally serialized old-school tale of small town drama, Middlemarch, by George Eliot?

ALAS, NO: Dudes, this book clocks in at more than 1,000 pages, and weighs roughly ten bajillion pounds. Keep in mind when a page count includes a comma, you're drastically reducing your slip-n-slide time.

"Like Swimming" - Foals (mp3)

"Jet Lag" - Delays (mp3)

"I Am Bored" - Microphones (mp3)

"The Beach" - Dr. Dog (mp3)

Historical novel Brookland by Emily Barton transports us centuries back, to a time when trips between Brooklyn and Manhattan required a freezing-over of the water between. That is, until our main character, the local distiller's young daughter, designs the revolutionary Brooklyn Bridge!

ALAS, NO: You'll feel all psyched and empowered for the first third, at which point construction obstacles become frustratingly daunting. Make it through another third to when the bridge-building gets going, and honestly, you'll ruin your sun-soak reading about dudes heaving giant blocks with pulleys and other caveman-type contraptions. "Enough of this," you'll say, tossing the thick mess of manual labor into the pool before cannonballing alongside it.

Sarah Lynn Knowles lives and works in NYC, where she devours approximately 3 books per month on her subway commute. Her nonsensical pop culture blog can be found here. This is her first appearance in these pages.

SARAHSPY PLAYLIST

"A Summer Chill" - Ivy League (mp3)

"Turtle Island" - Beach House (mp3)

"California Girls" - The Magnetic Fields (mp3)

"Ocean & Streams" - The Black Keys (mp3)

portrait of the author on a crowded beach

"Look Out Sunshine!" - The Fratellis (mp3)

"Buenos Aires Beach" - The War on Drugs (mp3)

"Twilight at Carbon Lake" - Deerhunter (mp3)

READ BETTER FEEL BETTER

Will Hubbard on the Alphabet

Summer Reading Part One

Brittany Julious on Kazuo Ishiguro

Summer Reading Part Two

Tao Lin on K-Mart Realism

Summer Reading Part Three

PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING

The best and worst of reality television.

Links were the man in your marmalade.

The writer’s strike is now in the rearview mirror.