In Which We Strongly Feel That Sheryl Crow Is Capable of Murder
Tuesday, April 1, 2008 at 10:26PM 
Links Are The Amen After Whatever It Is You Were Saying
by Alex Carnevale
As much as the new Madonna, Hard Candy, is total dreck, and as much as she should simply act her age instead of trying to "reinvent" herself for the last album on her record deal. As much as Madonna was a central figure in the aftermath of feminism. As much as I respect her as an artist. As much as her marriage to the Snatch dude is a total sham and they're living in separate houses. As much as her lame critiques of New York sound like the spoiled rantings of a billionaire. As much as she probably simply wants to be released into the sweet embrace of death, we need Madonna.
More of the new Madonna:
"I Have the Key" - Madonna (mp3)
"The Beat Goes On" - Madonna (mp3)
sometimes we all wish we were pharrell
There was a hope that Madonna would go on forever, until she stopped and decided she wanted to be a director. There was a hope that Michael Jackson would go on forever until it became clear he did not have the stamina to get bonors anymore. There was a hope that Sheryl Crow would murder Lance Armstrong and we would be able to watch the coverage of the trial on MSNBC for a number of months. There was a hope that Brittany Murphy would come to her senses and love the author of this highly influential post about Madonna and worship his links like jewels, and forget her frog husband.
Madonna was a tiny piece of chocolate in a sea of vanilla once, but now she is no longer banging Michael Jordan during his hiatus from baseball. She has rented a car to drive across America, and the car runs on the fuel of all her discarded magazine covers. (Is there a magazine Madonna isn't doing?)
For most of us, Madonna represented a second vagina we could vacation in if our original vagina became overexposed. For most of us, Miley Cyrus is the second coming of Madonna and Madonna is actually Guy Ritchie in drag because he killed her and wears her skin. For the vast majority of us, Madonna is an icon of fashion and style who made owning Prince's back catalog that much less important. For most of us, Madonna was a beacon of light sailing on a star made of all the sweatshop workers in plastic factories making her CD cases.
We see the possibility of the real Madonna, but then we see the violence in the Sudan, the injustices against Tibet, we see her vogueing a lot and bitching out her maids for not cooking her eggs exactly the right way, we see the sad fate of the Palestinians, the historic injustices to the Navajo, Madonna adopting most of the children of Malawi, the people of Greenland complaining about how it's too cold, Madonna admiring her bowel movements. To be famous, to be the most famous, is a terrifying outcome. Madonna is afraid.
LINKS MAKE MORE SENSE THAN THAT DID
sweet Michael Yan photo essay
battle of the oranges
Really dumb
married to the sea
Prison rape isn't funny, or not as funny as you think
the elusive windows desktop of your dreams
The American teenager: nothing will ever be as important
Death of Cambodian holocaust survivor
insane hidden speed trap
wrestlemania kinda happened
sideone's first roller girl match
one of my fav spiritualized tracks, we are so excited for the new album
lefties are better than righties
Juliet gets branded with the Cadbury symbol on Lost
gotta love the repost
from here ... clone images are great
This should end his run for the presidency:
Jay Leno apologized Tuesday for on-air remarks he made during a chat with Ryan Phillippe that were then criticized by gay activists and others.
"In talking about Ryan's first role, I realize that what I said came out wrong," the host of NBC's Tonight Show said in a statement to PEOPLE. "I certainly didn't mean any malice. I agree it was a dumb thing to say, and I apologize."
Last week, while talking with Phillippe (whose appearance was keyed to his new movie Stop-Loss), Leno, 57, said to the actor, "Can you give me, like – say that camera is your gay lover ..." (Phillippe's first role was as a gay character on a soap opera).
Leno then went on to say, "Can you give me your 'gayest look?' "
"Wow," replied Phillippe, 33. "That is so something I don't want to do."
Will Smith on chinese oil paintings
You still like the government?
Ebert is back
Veterans for Peace: come on you guys that's dumb
audrina partridge's tattoo is hot, i dunno
Beach House is the greatest
david archuleta's dad can suck my fat one
Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush have a great relationship:
One person who loves her curvy body, regardless of what she puts into it: boyfriend Reggie Bush, who hung out with some of the wrestlers while Kardashian rehearsed. "He doesn't care what I eat," says Kardashian. "He loves me just the way I am."
I had to explain why Kim Kardashian was famous to my mom the other day. I was like, "Well, Ray J flipped her over..." Just kidding, I couldn't come up with a reason.
mile high skyscraper
Boise is vulnerable to terrawr
Janet Jackson's new weight scares the bejeezus out of me. like with cameron diaz
hip hop supergroups are routinely the best part of my day
high tech music from Poland
lefties who have broken away
harmony's blog
The achilles heel of the Wii. I can't believe there was an article in Slate about this
Shame on Time magazine
Spielberg's new Tintin
This track is more delightful than a golden retriever.
“Set Fire to the Third Bar” - Snow Patrol ft. Martha Wainwright (mp3)
Danish's 20 most listened to artists. This screams 14 year old who loves glow sticks and making out with tongue. [ducks]
- Kanye West
- Justice
- Simian Mobile Disco
- Hot Chip
- Jay-Z
- Nas
- Spoon
- The Velvet Underground
- Pavement
- Daft Punk
- Justus Köhncke
- Black Lips
- Bob Dylan
- Animal Collective
- Ghostface
- Klaxons
- !!!
- Philip Glass
- Caribou
- Metronomy
Stop these abortions.
Assassination just plain works
Google April Fools joke starts a wikiwar
Hitchens doesn't like Hillary, can you tell?
CRAWL INSIDE OF THESE INTERNETS
Triple Canopy is a new online magazine you will want to see for yourself
Jennifer Daniel is the best illustrator in the world
FOU magazine so hot right now for poetry
Pretty Goes With Pretty
oh to be gorgeous AND funny
J. Bauchner turned me onto this hot Dylan track, thanks JB.
"Sign on the Window" - Bob Dylan (mp3)
Alex Carnevale is the editor of This Recording.
you take your dick out and jerk it around, next question
PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING
The black athlete gets dumped on.
Benry Gale ascends.
Ghosts before I met you.
mom...no. please. also, is cindy mccain being played by amy poehler?
Reader Comments (2)
[...] I am not Madonna [...]
Whatever Madonna is doing to preserve herself, Christina Aguilera should start taking notes before it's too late