In Which We Discuss All The Times We Cried
Wednesday, July 16, 2008 at 1:40PM 
I'm Not Crying, It's Only Raining on My Face
by Alex Carnevale
It's embarrassing to admit when you cry. After all, this blog has redefined masculinity for a whole new generation. We've shown countless times that we are unafraid to comment on things that the culture considers feminine- Jews, Joanna Newsom, Douglas Coupland, Sarah and Jimmy. I never really used to cry. I'd cry when I was particularly angry, before I became able to control my anger. But eventually life dulled into a unending sequence of unrelated events and experiences that mostly existed on the Internet.
"I'm Not Crying" - Flight of the Conchords (mp3)
Willem Dafoe cries...
Lately, I find I am crying more and more often. I cry at more traditional things. I think the reason is that I now have a wealth of mental associations that any given sad thing is connected to.
Here are things that get my ducts going.
2006: Melinda Doolittle singing on American Idol. God knows I never thought I'd ever watch American Idol, let alone start crying because of it, but hey, we all get older, haven't you heard that Stevie Nicks song? I have never heard this song, nor do I know who The Wiz are, but this cute tiny woman with a massive voice getting so into it and being so overwhelmed by what's going on...too much. Too much for me, people!
I've been afraid of changing because I built my life around you
Six years ago: Harry Potter hugging the big dude. Few things get my tearsacks flaccid like orphans. The first Harry Potter was a little unexpected, and when they broke out Harry hugging Hagrid at the end, and you knew that he had no parents. WTF mate. I may have been really, really hungover, but that was tough. Orphans. Just...orphans.
Robert "Iron Man" Downey Jr. gets nude and cries
Dave Matthews' guest appearance on House. Matthews played this autistic piano genius. Spoiler alert, House has half his brain removed and he actually isn't autistic and he learns how to button his shirt. Hey, Rain Man was sad, too.
"Under Pressure (Queen cover)" - Keane (mp3)
Dustin "Rain Man" Hoffman cries
November 4, 1995: Yitzhak Rabin dies. I hate politicians as a general rule, but no nation has more inspiring ones than Israel. Rabin was a good man, if naive. If I'd been around during the JFK deal, I would have been sad, but JFK was a douchebag who cheated on his wife, so how sad could I have been? In Israel there's a lot more at stake than in the U.S., too. I never have to worry about the U.S. going anywhere, but Israel's existence may never not be in question. Props to David Ben-Gurion. Nice work there.
Forest "Ghost Dog" Whitaker cries
Last year: The Up Series. This seven part British documentary that follows the lives of a group of children introduced at 7 is one of the saddest things ever put on television. It may also be one of the greatest things ever done in the documentary form. It's really, really sad.
Kristoffer "Kris" Kristofferson cries
Somewhere around the year 2002, Spiritualized. The greatest band in the world has made me cry countless times I'm sure. I was fortunate to see them live once when they hit Providence for whatever reason. Naturally I bawled like a baby.
Last weekend: WALL·E forgets who he is: He forgot about his favorite movie and his favorite videotape, and he forget about the interrobot sex he was going to have with the recovery unit. Also, he's not happy about having to share his trailer with the guy who did the voice for the Captain.
Tim Roth cries
May 23, 1999: Owen Hart dies on PPV. I didn't shell out money for wrestling PPVs back when I was into it, but I was following the results on 1wrestling when a massive newsflash popped up. Hart died trying a stupid stunt in which he was to come down from the roof of Kemper Arena in Kansas City. He fell on his head and died instantly. He was so young, and such a great person. So sad. The next night they did a Tribute show, and that may have been the most emotional two hours of my young life.
Ed Harris cries
March 28, 2006: Arrested Development is gone for good. The show that redefined the sitcom and created so many top jokes: never nudes, Mr. Reinhold's Courtroom, hey hermano, have sex right now, Ann, The Man Inside Me, analrapist. This:
Lucille: Michael Moore confronted me on national television.
Michael: First of all, that was not Michael Moore. That was a Michael Moore look-alike. And second it wasn't national television. It was for a bit, on Jimmy Kimmel Live.
Lucille: I don't know what that is nor do I care to find out.
Alex Carnevale is the editor of This Recording. He is probably crying right now. Wait, now. Now. Please share your favorite tear-jobs in the comments.
GET IT ALL OUT
"The Night Skey" - Keane (mp3)
"Let It Slide" - Keane (mp3)
"He Used to Be A Lovely Boy" - Keane (mp3)
Ryan Gosling cries
PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING
Alex’s post is the Simoleon Motherlode
Molly loves science loves u
We invite you and the whole gang
sam shepard cries
Reader Comments (26)
Is "tear job" a sexual act?
Basically anything involving mommy animals being killed makes me cry.
i cried when rabin died too. i tear up when i think about john lennon. other things:
-spalding grey.
-the general inanity of being alive.
-abandoned animals.
-the rainforest.
-i teared up in the sex and the city but now i cant remember at what part and why.
i should add that the night before he jumped off the staten island ferry, spalding grey watched "big fish." the end of that movie really makes me cry.
he did? really?
that movie didn't make me cry, but it did make my dad cry. i won't say what i called him.
the rainforest makes me a little teary, mostly the canopy part.
i almost wept at the latest post on 'it's evening all afternoon' but they were tears of laughter.
I cried when I learned of the Wired Julia Allison cover.
i saw mr. nicholson at the coffee shop again this morning. didn't even glance at me. definitely almost cried.
donald crowhurst makes my weep.
I saw Big Fish twice, neither time on purpose, and I completely understand why it made Spalding Grey want to jump off the Staten Island Ferry. Because...it...sucks...
diving bell and the butterfly?
The last time I cried was two days ago when my mom played this video for me of a woman who, after getting in a bad accident, had to learn a dance for physical therapy. Well her golden retriever learned it right along with her, and it was the sweetest thing I've ever seen. Yes, I may have PMS...what?
Also Sweet Junipers photographs of the Detroit Public Schools Book Depository makes me cry a little:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sweetjuniper/sets/72157603302647339/
I cried about halfway through Youth Without Youth when I realized my $18 was gone forever. Damn you, London theatre, and your no-refund policy.
Movies in Italian that deal with missing fathers and their substitutes, tops being Cinema Paradiso. Movies of that nature in English, too. 20% of all movie previews. Almost any song that reminds me of an ex who was particularly significant in the romantic canon. The thought that we are all alone in the world. New England. The ending to Final Fantasy IX. 2005, generally. The last day of summer. The end of a week-long drive. The view of Los Angeles from the Getty Museum. And chopped onions.
The one episode of Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air when Will's father comes back, but ends up leaving him again without telling him, and then Will gives that monologue to uncle Phil about how he'll grow up to be a hell of a better father "and why doesn't my dad love me???" That makes me cry.
Also, that episode of House in the first season with the six babies who have the same disease.
Big Amen on that Fresh Prince. That show was really moving.
I cried recounting some of the scenes in March of the Penguins to my little brother. Anything animal-doc related and I'm a goner. Planet Earth messes me up- baby elephant lost after a dust storm?!? I could cry right now just thinking about it.
dudes, i've said it before and i'll say it again, father of the bride part II, when mother becomes mother and grandmother at the same time!
If you could watch "Igby Goes Down" and not cry then you aren't human.
Other films that have gotten me misty in the past:
"Beaches" (Truth hits everybody)
"Spiderman 2" (he was unconscious in the train and his mask came off and people saw his face)
"X Men 3" (I couldn't believe that 3 straight films could get exponentially worse if there weren't of the "Police Academy" franchise)
One.
UHF (When they save the TV station)
Armageddon (Affleck going up the elevator)
Billy Elliot (Father running up the hill)
Return of the King (People bowing to the hobbits)
Oh I forgot a really important one. Has anyone seen that episode of Futurama where a dog waits outside a diner for a thousand years. I thought I was going to die of salt water poisoning.
AC, that's a direct rip from Restaurant at the End of the Universe wherein they leave Marvin in a parking lot for a billion years.
I thought of another one though - Bang the Drum Slowly (the book) - when it starts raining and the game is called with the catcher standing there waiting to throw the ball back to the pitcher.
What's Restaurant at the end of the Universe?
Can you describe that scene?
wow baby elephant lost after a dust storm? i can't handle that.
LEGENDS OF THE FALL
If you could _watch_ Igby Goes Down then you are not human. I would put IGD slightly behind Juno in a worst movies ever list.
Aimee & Jaguar! The German WWII movie about a German woman, married to a high-ranking Nazi officer, who falls in love with a Jewish woman. That movie is too much for my heart.
I once cried unexpectedly during The Olympics. There was a "team" of two synchronised divers, who were quite physically mismatched heightwise. They were Brits. They somehow accomadated their difference & executed an awesome "dive" with perfect synchro water entry..got max points.BLUB
Also I can only stay in The V & A for about an hour..if I see too much beautiful fabric....BLUB
+ If I remember something that made me cry..BLUB
Best (Not) Crying Seen Ever, via Arrested Development.
Michael: Yeah, clearly. Let me ask you a question. Where the hell have you been? Why didn’t you call me?
Lindsay: Look at my life, Michael. Tobias is out of work, we’re in debt. It’s...
Michael: What are you doing? Are you trying to cry?
Lindsay tries to cry.
Michael: Seriously, you’re going to pull a muscle.
Lindsay: I used to be able to do this.