In Which You Can Battle Our Crew If You Bring It
Friday, June 27, 2008 at 7:03PM RSS Side Story
by Molly Lambert
The internet is full of gangs. But not scary, kill you gangs, like the Bloods or the Crips. These are more like, adorable gangs of fast-talking small children, like the Dead End Kids.
The world of webcraft is full of internet tough guys, but unlike real bullies they can't steal your lunch money or put gum in your hair.
All they can really do is rob you of your dignity, and if you had any of that you wouldn't be e-hiding under e-bridges like an internet troll to begin with.
Internet gangs are more like the gangs from West Side Story. Sure they may look mean and their combs turn into switchblades, but you're not very likely to get hurt. Unless you get hit by a deadly pas de bourrée.
If, like Tobias, you hire them to do your dirty work, you will most likely find yourself in the midst of an impromptu a capella blitz.
Which is not to say that a capella can't be every bit as horrifying as a hail of bullets (it certainly can), but until they perfect the gay bomb and the microwave auditory effect we are safe (for now).
Internet gangs are not lions, they are more like lemurs. They have sharp teeth and you wouldn't want to be stuck in a dark room with one, but as long as they're safely caged up you'll be fine.
All I'm saying is, there are worse things to be caught in than a dance fight. Just try a few spin moves and some sassy kicks and maybe you'll even end up on the winning team. And if you lose? Well you're fighting a bunch of flamers (no homo) in leotards and stirrups. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!
Bring It On - David Banner: (mp3)
Dance Dance - Plastic Bertrand: (mp3)
Humpty Dance - Digital Underground: (mp3)
Party Train - The Gap Band: (mp3)
Together For One Last Dance - Junior Senior: (mp3)
Molly Lambert is the managing editor of This Recording.
PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING
Weekend links grew old with you.
The famous Molly Young makes new friends.
In the event of suicide.
Reader Comments (1)
Maybe this is what it is better to believe; but I think you guys might still have some inkling that, say, the people who comment on rap videos on YouTube are not all 4chan material. Everyone uses the Internet now, which means that your average Internet user is neither more nor less "excitable" than somebody you might meet on the street; I, at least, plan accordingly.