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is dedicated to the enjoyment of audio and visual stimuli. Please visit our archives where we have uncovered the true importance of nearly everything. Should you want to reach us, e-mail alex dot carnevale at gmail dot com, but don't tell the spam robots. Consider contacting us if you wish to use This Recording in your classroom or club setting. We have given several talks at local Rotarys that we feel went really well.

Pretty used to being with Gwyneth

Regrets that her mother did not smoke

Frank in all directions

Jean Cocteau and Jean Marais

Simply cannot go back to them

Roll your eyes at Samuel Beckett

John Gregory Dunne and Joan Didion

Metaphors with eyes

Life of Mary MacLane

Circle what it is you want

Not really talking about women, just Diane

Felicity's disguise

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Entries in kara vanderbijl (82)

Friday
Aug102012

In Which We Unwrinkle The Nature Of Time

A Small Crease

by KARA VANDERBIJL

Twenty-six publishers rejected A Wrinkle in Time between 1960 and 1962. When a mutual friend offered to introduce Madeleine L’Engle to John Farrar of Farrar, Straus & Giroux, the house that would eventually publish her manuscript, she was so disheartened by the whole process that she initially refused.

It was too strange, they all said, too frightening, too complex for children to appreciate. And then there was the matter of the frank talk of teenagers kissing and the witches and the interplanetary travel. Not suitable at all. When the novel won the Newberry Medal in 1963, many of the same editors came up to L’Engle and said, “I wish you would have brought the manuscript to me!” She reminded them gently that she had.

Some of Wrinkle’s strength must be attributed to those who rejected it; the editors had certainly not glossed over its more puzzling attributes, and I believe it remains in print precisely because it is not easy to swallow. Three children, one of whom is actually a genius, follow a bizarre pack of magical neighbors across the fabric of space to save a missing parent and combat the darkness that is slowly encompassing the world?  And when evil finally does pull back, it is because of love, not as a result of a great intergalactic war? And it all begins, cheekily, with, “It was a dark and stormy night”?

Thankfully in the 1960s those well-meaning, floral-printed matrons already existed, surely the same ones as warned my mother in the early millennium against allowing my brother and I to read Harry Potter, who now took it upon themselves to rail against the story in Sunday School. Not only did L’Engle suggest that there were worlds beyond our own, but she listed Jesus in the same list as the Buddha! The horror! In faraway labs, the white coats looked up from their petri dishes to sigh at the smallness of the author’s mind. Who could approach scientific fact with such naive mysticism? The woman could not be taken seriously.

But Madeleine hadn’t written it for any of them; she had written it for children.

Before I picked up the novel again this year, I could not remember if I had read it before, for reasons that soon became clear: first, any magic in the book stems from the absolutely ordinary. One almost wants to laugh, “Really, Madeleine? How quaint! This is the best you can do?” Children just move through time? What are the mechanics of that? They are left to the imagination, which she has no qualms asking us to use. Second, her characters are unselfconscious – not in the sense that they have no awareness of who they are or what they must do – but any problem that is inside of them is worked out between them relationally, or in the plot itself.

The gist is simple: Dr. Murry, a renowned physicist, has disappeared, leaving his wife and four children - Meg, Charles Wallace, Sandy and Dennys - sick with worry. Not to mention that he had been in the middle of some very important and controversial research about the space/time continuum. One night, the family’s strange neighbor, Mrs Whatsit, confides in the Murrys that their father had discovered something called a tesseract, a mysterious means of traveling between one dimension and another. Meg and Charles Wallace, along with their friend Calvin O’Keefe, embark on a journey through space and time to save Dr. Murry’s life.

What begins as a dark, stormy night – romantically reflecting, of course, the fourteen-year-old protagonist Meg Murry’s anxiety over her father’s disappearance and the trouble she’s facing at school – ends in a warm kitchen over a cup of hot cocoa. Between a genius five-year old brother with whom, for all intents and purposes she should still be playing Tinker Toys and a mother who is "intimidatingly" beautiful and also a renowned scientist in her own right, Meg has all the reason in the world to feel a bit inadequate. Yet an open discussion ensues over sandwiches, each member of the family feeling at ease to share their fears. There is no boundary between adult and child. For L'Engle, who famously said that "the great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been", the only boundary between two people is the boundary of their flesh, and even that can be superseded. From the outset the atmosphere is not as important as the relationships; that is L’Engle’s most subtle magic, and it is in every one of her books. Any person (not even child!) not left aching for this sort of companionable midnight snacking-and-sharing has already closed their heart.

The story, not the inner working of his or her mind, is responsible for a character’s development. I think we all know this as a literary rule, but less as a life rule. When Charles Wallace attempts to destroy the cold artificial intelligence on the dark planet of Camazotz, where Dr. Murry is being held captive, with sheer intellectual power, he is overcome. You cannot fight one way of thinking with another way of thinking unless you give it a sword or a gun or a bomb; only action forces change. Had Meg chosen to love her little brother from the safe, faraway planet to which she, Mr. Murry and Calvin eventually escape, it would have been a love of the mind, and she would not have been able to rescue him. Love, in its proper form, spirited her back – physically – to the place she feared more than anything and grew until it could cover the darkness.

Perhaps we aren’t as afraid of Camazotz as L’Engle’s original readers would have been: the threat of a giant conformist society holds little sway in a country where freedom is heralded as the greatest good. But I do shiver with Meg and Charles Wallace and Calvin as they watch the rows of similar houses and the children who, at precisely the same time, come out to bounce a ball. One of the residents, a small boy, cheerfully recites: “Everybody knows our planet has the best Central Intelligence Center on the planet. Our production levels are the highest. Our factories never close; our machines never stop rolling. Added to this we have five poets, one musician, three artists, and six sculptors, all perfectly channelled... we are the most oriented city on the planet.” The idea of a giant disembodied brain ruling over and regulating people does not frighten me. But when we fall into ever-narrowing categories of existence, when we resort to hatred and cynicism to uphold our ideals no matter which side of the political, religious, or sociological spectrum we sit on, my heartstrings give a painful tug.

What happens to us as adults finds inevitable roots in what we experienced as children – that is why stories about adults are actually stories about fate, and children’s stories are always and only about choice. It is very simple to confuse the two, to forget that we have progressively lost our freedom, as we’ve grown older, instead of gaining it.  What gaps there are in space and time narrow slowly until our days are a sequence, each one hanging on the one before:

(I went to the bar today because it was such a terrible day at the office. I met somebody. I gave him my phone number, because he reminded me of a boy I knew in high school and of a man I dated three years ago. Today I’m nursing a hangover and waiting for him to call. He will call tomorrow because he would not call only a few hours after we met. In two years we will be living together, in four we’ll be married. One day I will wake up and I will tell myself I do not know how I got here, when really, what I’m saying is I do not know how I did not get anywhere else.)

“You have to write the book that wants to be written,” said Madeleine. “And if the book will be too difficult for grown-ups, then you write it for children.”

What is a children’s book? It is a potential life. It is a fantasy in which the child is allowed to imagine the outcome of any choice he or she might make. It is not an instruction manual or a moral guide or a form of escape. It is a wrinkle, a mysterious vehicle by which a parallel existence might be explored.

Grown, I am so much more resistant to paradox, although I should be more open to it — hasn’t my experience amply proved that multiple things can be true at once, without any part of one excluding any part of the other? I am fully body and fully mind and fully heart.  I may believe I am justified in censoring one part with which I do not want to define myself or my generation. But to dull one in favor of another is to forget why all are required.

When I hear a friend say, “I cannot believe that in 2012, we are still dealing with this intolerance,” I think, of course we are still dealing with this intolerance. This intolerance is a piece of our potential reality, if only by which to see other pieces, and is thus absolutely, awfully necessary. We are free struggling beasts with very little in the way of love. We are still exploring. What gaps there are in space and time have not yet fully narrowed.

Kara VanderBijl is the senior editor of This Recording. She is a writer living in Chicago. She last wrote in these pages about what you might read on a fashion blog. She tumbls here and twitters here.

"Human Being" - Cat Power (mp3)

"Silent Machine" - Cat Power (mp3)

The new album from Cat Power is entitled Sun, and it will be released on August 31st.
 

Tuesday
Jul312012

In Which We Step Inside Your Closet

Things You Might Read on a Fashion Blog

by KARA VANDERBIJL

 - omg new favorite jeans

- This is what the inside of my closet looks like

- I want to change the title of this blog, here are the options: "Anthropologie on Adderall", "Frosting & Flared Jeans", "Scarf Tales". Vote in the comments section! A random winner will be chosen on Friday! You’ll receive a bracelet woven from prairie grass and the hair of an organic farmer’s daughter, omg so boho

- Congratulations to missy52343290342 and omgsopreppy43829043892, who won the bracelets! Be sure to email me with your contact information! Stay stylish!

- What I wore for brunch on Saturday! This lovely blouse was sent to me by fellow fashion blogger, Stephanie, of "Peplums & Pregnant Pictures That Were Probably Faked Because Nobody Looks That Good When They're Knocked Up", I'm going to say I think she wore it better even if I don't lol

- I live in stripes, here is a picture of all the striped shirts I own! I’m considered sending some of them to underprivileged children, but I just don’t know which ones to part with I love them all so much omg

- So hungover from the party I hosted last night, I made cocktails with Pellegrino, pickle juice, and flowers from my backyard, here I am sitting at this Starbucks with an iced coffee the size of my head, my neighborhood Starbucks doesn’t look like a Starbucks outside this is why I come here for my photos, wrought iron outdoor furniture ftw omg so Parisian. I’m wearing a beret in honor of the occasion and also because it’s like 105 degrees and I want to be edgy

- My significant other took this photo, look how cute he is, I won’t tell you that I set his old wardrobe on fire and picked out a whole new one because if I do then you’ll know we beautiful and well-dressed people don’t naturally attract one another and also that I'm crazy

- Haha I’m texting on my iPhone in all of these photos, such a dork

- I wore this to brunch on Saturday morning, we ate pancakes, I never want to eat anything else omg

- omg new favorite jeans they retail for $3289048329

- “I” “really” “love” “the” “vintage” “silhouette” “of” “this” “skirt”

- Omg thank you to the 15,343 people who reblogged my previous post (the photo of me in a the polka-dot dress, which I said was my grandmother’s but looks suspiciously like one they carry at J. Crew) with the word “This.” written underneath it, I feel so special you guys

- My fashion policy is that you can never have too many boyfriend sweaters, I have one in every color of the rainbow and some that are so far off the color spectrum they are invisible to the naked eye

- So I cut my hair short, I’ve always been so adventurous with my hair, I’ve had straight-cut bangs, straight hair, curly hair, pixie cuts, hippie hair lol it also helps that so many of you also have this exact same haircut I could pretty much guess that it would look good on me or at least know that people would like it lol jk

- I’m in New York for Fashion Week

- A lot of you have been asking about my beauty routine well here it is when I wake up in the morning I bathe my face in milk and then bacon fat to keep it well hydrated haha and then before I go to bed I meditate at dusk by the light of the moon and then bathe my face in a solution of my own tears and ammonia that I have kept in this vintage crystal bottle I found on Etsy omg

- I live in Los Angeles with a rooftop terrace that I have decorated with very expensive things that I bought during my numerous vacations to Hawaii and Europe, I documented them here and here, omg still love that bathing suit so much, omg running late for my part-time gig at this local designer I work for (Urban Outfitters)

- I love my parents!!!!!!!!!!

- omg new favorite jeans

- gratuitous picture of my brunch haha, yep still on a pancakes kick

- When I was in New York for Fashion Week...

- Ok guys I've been feeling so melancholy for the past few days, I couldn't shake it, I just felt so deeply about you all and the response to this blog, it's been overwhelming, I even cried a little bit, omg I just can't get over the fact that two years ago there was nothing, and now there's this and I just feel like I'm heading in the right direction with my life, you know? Like this all matters? I don't know if that makes sense lol, anyways here's the new purse my boyf bought for me, haha some girls just get ice cream but I get retail lovin' from my man 


- I absolutely love this neon trend because I’ve always loved neon duh

- I’ve been saving this dress for the perfect occasion, it arrived in the mail a few days ago and i haven’t been able to stop touching it, it’s sort of like a security blanket I even sleep with it

- This is my ultra-cute miniature version of a dog

- I think I’ve worn this skirt like four times, it’s the most I’ve ever worn something before omg I must be tired, maybe I need a break you guys

- Look so out of it in these photos, we had a really crazy weekend at our lake house picnicking and taking the boat out and seeing all our friends and drinking a lot of very aesthetic cocktails and it’s been nice to just lie in bed all day and not have a job, I don’t think I’ve ever included a picture of my jammies before today

- Support your local designers!!!! Today I’m wearing a dress from H&M

- Cupcakes

- Just going casual in jeans and a t-shirt today, guess I'm a normal person too, oh wait look at these Gucci shoes

- My favorite neighborhood thrift store (omg visit if you come to LA) is so amazing, they always set aside things they know I'd like and occasionally sacrifice small animals in my honor

- Sold out online sniff sniff 

- Ugh I've had this bag forever, like since last Saturday, it's already been with me through thick and thin like when I spilled my iced coffee inside, oh boy I had to spend some time at the Genius Bar that day, here's me and Blake the guy who fixed my iPhone, he's got awesome nerd style

- Here is a picture of five-year-old me wearing mom's heels proving I was already so into fashion

- I always say just wear what makes you feel beautiful who cares about the trends OMG POLKA DOTS

-  Important! meetings! in New York necessitating large iced coffees 

- We found this shabby chic couch on the side of the 405, omg I just had to have my daily outfit pic with it so I made my bf wait for a break in traffic and then run out and balance on the median to get the perfect shot, I think it turned out well don't you lol 

- My boyfriend gave me his giant gold watch!!!!! He didn't even know it was so trendy right now, omg love you baby

- Hey look at these vintage pics of my grandparents, obviously style runs in my family

- Here's another picture of my face lol 

- I'm so sorry I haven't updated lately, I've been busy running errands, brunching, spending quality time with my close-knit friends and family with whom I never argue but who don't merit a place on this blog because duh they're not pretty enough, racking up credit card debt

- Book deal! omg guys, it's full of beauty tips, outfit suggestions, interior decorating tips, you can pre-order it here, I did it without you but I'm going to pretend I couldn't

Kara VanderBijl is the senior editor of This Recording. She is a writer living in Chicago. She last wrote in these pages about Jeff Buckley. She twitters here and tumbls here.

"Sleep Tight" - French Wives (mp3)

"Me vs. Me" - French Wives (mp3)

 

Tuesday
Jul242012

In Which Jeff Buckley Required A Shrine

Mystifying Caucasian Male

by KARA VANDERBIJL

Jeff Buckley’s brief intro before launching into a cover of “Dido’s Lament” is murmured in a ghost’s timbre, barely outdoing the white noise on the recording even at highest volume. His audience laughs, spooked, then the piano opens. “Thy hand, Belinda,” Jeff sings. His is a freakish voice, made all the more odd by the grainy quality of the recording; a high falsetto mimicking the dramatic mezzo-soprano for which Purcell wrote the aria. He wails — his voice almost breaks, but doesn’t. Listening, we want it to break; the melody is too pure, its perfect desperation too stringent for this wild, unpredictable thing. Remember me, forget my fate.

It’s this drama, the constant rediscovery and redelivery of a familiar, worked-over, oft-repeated tune that defines Jeff Buckley’s work. Like his voice, each song defies an original genre or mood, turning back to a more primal source. Is it a lament? A mockery? A strange self-issued prophecy from a man who, two years later, would walk into the Wolf River in Memphis, TN and drown?

Like many of his other performances, this one (a set at the 1995 Meltdown Festival in the UK) now only exists on the web, maybe even on fragments of a video somewhere. Had Jeff Buckley lived past the age of 30, it might have remained among the other, less-than-perfect detritus of a long and successful career. But when the talented die young, we like to watch their home videos. Their unprotected moments. Their failures, blow-ups, fuck-ups. Anything that might give us clarity about their end: what “brought them to this point.” Short of simply accepting that it was death that did Buckley in, we might say it was the success that got him.

Only four years earlier, Jeff had sung in public for the first time, at a tribute concert for his estranged father Tim Buckley. They had met once, when Jeff was eight, after one of Tim’s shows; two months later, Tim overdosed on heroin. Neither Jeff nor his mother Mary Guibert were invited to the funeral. When Jeff stepped onto the stage at Saint Ann’s in Brooklyn to sing Tim’s “I Never Asked to Be Your Mountain”, most people weren’t aware that Tim had a son, and most people who knew Jeff didn’t know he could sing — he’d patented himself, stubbornly, as a guitarist — so the evening unveiled not only Jeff’s vocal talent but also exactly where it had come from. This pissed Jeff off. If anything, he had hoped to use the brief set as his way of paying his respects, of breaking away from Buckley senior.

Years later, when a fan shouted a request for one of Tim’s songs, Jeff looked her straight in the eye and said, “I don’t play that hippie shit.”

Jeff escaped Anaheim, CA, where he’d been born, leaving behind what he described as a “rootless trailer trash” existence. He’d been struck by New York fever. Over the next year and a half, he played at coffee shops and nightclubs in Lower Manhattan, and eventually earned a regular Monday night slot at Sin-é in the East Village, accompanying himself on the guitar. He covered Bob Dylan. Nina Simone. Van Morrison. Singing “Sweet Thing” once, with Glen Hansard, a then still-obscure Buckley drew a crowd — so large that people began pressing up against the windows outside the club — by taking the second verse through a series of vocal gymnastics that lasted fifteen minutes. A brief writing streak with Gary Lucas resulted in two original songs, “Mojo Pin” and “Grace”, that Jeff nevertheless rarely played in his set. Lucas also invited Buckley to perform in his band, Gods and Monsters, early in 1992. By that time, however, the streets outside Sin-é were lined with record label executives hoping to snag Buckley for a solo album. That October, Buckley signed with Columbia, hired a drummer and bassist, and recording for what would be his first and only studio album, Grace, began the next summer. A quick EP, Live at Sin-é was released in November ‘93, documenting Jeff’s coffee-shop years, a time he’d long for intensely almost as soon as he left it.

Jeff was not prolific; of the ten songs on Grace, he penned only three on his own. Lee Underwood, Tim Buckley’s guitarist, said once that Jeff suffered from an all too-relatable sort of creative inertia. “[He] felt uncertain of his musical direction, not only after signing with Columbia, but before signing, and all the way to the end. He did not know himself — which musical direction he might want to commit himself to, because taking a stand, making a commitment to a direction, or even to composing and then successfully completing the recording of a single song, was extremely difficult for him. One the one hand, creativity was his calling. On the other hand, any creative gesture that offered the possibility of success terrified him.” To speak nothing of the looming shadow of a father he never spoke of, to whom he was inevitably compared, as well as a sort of dogged perfectionism that plagued his studio sessions.

Spending hours, as he did, overdubbing the vocals until he had reached what he felt was the optimal delivery, Jeff seemed reluctant to pin any one mood onto his work. Andy Wallace, Grace’s producer, had to piece several of the songs together from dozens of takes. The music was in constant metamorphosis, to the point where later, live renditions of the songs sounded different, singular, wed to whatever Buckley had learned or felt or needed in between one performance and the next. He seemed to rewrite them each time.

Grace is disparate, wavering between the almost cacophonous landscapes of “Mojo Pin”, “Grace”, “Last Goodbye”, and “Eternal Life”, the hushed, sacramental “Corpus Christi Carol”, and the desperate “Lover, You Should’ve Come Over”. Buckley alternately whispers or wails, seems to laugh and growl, shreds remarkably. The music is a story as emotionally complex as its author — calling it simply brooding or romantic minimizes its scope. In reality it is confused, mystifying, indecisive.

The album, like the EP preceding it, sold in a slow trickle. Jeff’s songs rarely made it to the airwaves. Critics were either charmed by its triumph or turned off by what, altogether, seemed to be a confusing melange of emotions and genres. The French loved it, though, and in 1995 awarded Jeff with the Grand Prix International du Disque, an honor he shared with the likes of Edith Piaf, Leonard Cohen, Joni Mitchell, and Bob Dylan. David Bowie claimed that Grace was the one album he’d want with him on a desert island. Meanwhile, Jeff silenced restless crowds in concert halls across the globe with a few strums of his guitar, with a Buddhist-like opening chant called “Chocolate” that hushed chatter until you could hear a pin drop. Only then would he break into “Mojo Pin”.

Putting Buckley’s cover of the Cohen song in a separate category — as I undoubtedly must — “Lover, You Should’ve Come Over” is Grace’s masterpiece. Jeff introduced it first at Sin-é when he signed with Columbia, luring listeners who had previously doubted his ability to produce a decent song of his own. Back then it was just Jeff and his guitar, sans the divine harmonium intro, the swelling gospel choir, absolutely pure. Lyrically, it’s as seductive as it is sad — as Jeff escalates to “It’s never over/my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder,” a tingle begins deep down. It’s as much the power of his voice as the power of his poetry. He chokes it out, like an old love letter he’s been forced to read aloud.

I will say this about “Hallelujah” — everything blooms from the single, conquered breath that opens it.

Buckley is remembered for these quieter contributions, and appropriately so; in a way they serve as auto-epitaphs. An incredible mimic, he nails Nina’s voice during brief moments in “Lilac Wine” and rivals any choir boy with Britten’s “Corpus Christi Carol”, which had been introduced to him by a friend in high school. But it’s palpable anger that colors the rest of Grace, anger that Jeff would take with him on tour and into the beginnings of his second album, My Sweetheart, The Drunk. He butted heads with the bigwigs at Columbia when he refused to make a music video. He alienated friends, his photographer Merri Cyr, and some of his strongest supporters with careless words. Seamlessly integrated into his public image were frequent moments of conflict, uncertainty, and stubbornness, most of them related to his burgeoning fame, and almost always triggered by casual comparisons with the late Tim Buckley.

When People Magazine nominated Jeff as one of their “50 Most Beautiful People” in 1995, something snapped. He dyed his hair black and stopped washing it. He wallowed, thin, in giant thrift-store plaid shirts and Doc Martens. On stage, Grace changed: “Buckley and the band were now playing harder, faster, and louder than ever before, transforming slow-burning epics — ‘Last Goodbye’, ‘So Real’, ‘Eternal Life’ and the title track — into rock and roll firestorms that bordered on the metallic. ‘Mojo Pin’ circa 1996 was almost unrecognizable: Buckley screamed so hard as the song built to its thunderous climax that you feared he’d cough up a vocal cord,” wrote Jeff Apter, one of Buckley’s biographers.

with chrissie hynde

Touring took its toll on Jeff; he needed peace and quiet to work things out, to create, but the frenzy of the road worked up a hysteria in him. Once, in Ireland, he disappeared for a few hours in the afternoon and walked around singing and playing guitar in the pouring rain, skipping interviews and a sound check. Another time he arrived so drunk on stage he broke into a rendition of one of his father’s songs. Yet another time, wasted, he fell asleep underneath a table at a show in Manhattan. Another musician would have been thinking of giving the public a second album to chew on; Jeff was just trying to stay alive. Returning to New York in 1996 after two years on the road, he found the Village, which had once afforded him the comfortable hum of cappuccino machines, the safety of coffee shop anonymity, completely transformed. Sin-é had closed its doors. What few shows he did play, he had to advertise under pseudonyms. He needed a quiet spot, a shrine. So, in early ‘97, he went to Memphis.

During the last few months of his life, Jeff Buckley lived in a shotgun house which he rented for a paltry $450 a month. He owned little more than a couch, a telephone, and a telephone book. What time he did not spend cycling back and forth from a Vietnamese restaurant he spent lying in the grass in his backyard, or at the butterfly exhibit at the Memphis Zoo. He played at a beer joint called Barrister’s, quietly. He recorded sketches of new songs on Michael Bolton cassettes that he’d picked up for pennies and sent them to his band in New York. My Sweetheart, The Drunk tremulously came together. On May 29th, the band flew into Memphis to begin recording.

That night, Jeff sang Led Zeppelin as he waded into the river.

Kara VanderBijl is the senior editor of This Recording. She is a writer living in Chicago. She last wrote in these pages about the cold side. She tumbls here and twitters here.

"Grace" - King Creosote (mp3)

"Sing A Song For You" - The Magic Numbers (mp3)

"Morning Theft" - Stephen Fretwell (mp3)

"Mojo Pin" - Adem (mp3)

"Everybody Here Wants You" - Matthew Herbert & Dani Siciliano (mp3)