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Hold Me For Forty

by ALEX CARNEVALE

True Blood's second season was moving towards, unbeknowst to us, a devastating rejection. Even as a maenad (Michelle Forbes) turned Bon Temps to a lustful mess, Bill Compton had but one thing on his mind — human blood, and a lifetime comittment to his girlfriend Sookie Stackhouse. For Bill, that lifetime is many lifetimes. It is any wonder that Sookie became upset?

Stephen Moyer looks like a shrivelly old bag. He's less foreboding than the Queen of Louisiana, who savages male vampyres for blood and sport in her dayroom between games of Yahtzee. The only way to free yourself is to become a part of something larger, and Bill Compton never learned that trick.

Despite being six or more inches shorter, Sam Merlotte puts the lie to Randy Newman's favorite song. Thus enhanced by a vampire's blood, a shapeshifter can become a fertile god, appearing to his minions in disturbing visions. As one of his patrons put it, "I'd like to wear him like a scrunchie."

Arlene's kids are traumatized by all that's gone on. They'll be reciting all the cryptic children jokes that Eric foisted upon them in therapy. At least a lasting friendship was forged between the ever enthusiastic tag team of Andy Bellefleur and Jason Stackhouse.  "If a tree falls in the woods, it's still a tree," Stack says. Unlike Kanye, the new Andy Bellefleur sticks to Diet Coke with lime.

Sam Merlotte had the saddest revelation of the finale, and his acting has quickly become the best on the show. His casual disgust with the foster parents who abandoned him yielded fresh comedy, and his investigations into his shifter past should fuel Sookie's interest in where her peculiar abilities come from.

With that annoying maenad gored by Sam's bull penis, the Queen of Louisiana is fast becoming the most annoying character on the show. Her advances on Eric weren't really funny, and it doesn't help that she's probably the least attractive woman on the show, and I include Hoyt Fortenberry's mama in that appraisal.

The next chapter in Charlaine Harris' series of Sookie Stackhouse novels is set primarily in New Orleans. A Katrina commentary was prominent in Harris' mind, and Alan Ball and co. would only be following in the footsteps of concerned humanitarian Larry David (who also might be a vampire).

This next plotline will separate Bill and Sookie, opening the playing field for Eric Northman to wangle his dangle while Bill is occupied with his maker Lenore. Missing Bill from the show would be a tough platelet to swallow, but fortunately there would be a lot of screen time left over for Sookie to yell, "Biiiiiiiillllll!"

Harris also wrote a decidedly visual future for Jason Stackhouse. His days in the Sun were all well and good, but he needs a good woman to control him and be accountable. Can I suggest a three episode stint with Oprah?

We can also pray that the show finds something worthwhile to do for its characters of color. These stories aren't really found in Harris' books, and a blank canvas is daunting. Tara and Lafayette as a team of cousins could work wonders, especially now that Jason Stackhouse gunned down Eggs in cold blood. Such a blow rang as a memorable parallel joke for the way white writers view such cameos. RIP Eggs. Dude never wore a shirt, ever.

Alex Carnevale is the editor of This Recording. He tumbls here.

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