« In Which These Are All The Hot Places In L.A. »

72 Suburbs In Search of A City

by ALMIE ROSE

Curious about some of the hot L.A. places you've heard about from the point of view of someone who's not famous? You're not? OK then skip this.

EDISON: This place is popular for its "steam punk" theme. What in the fresh hell is steam punk, really? An old warehouse covered in Tim Burton posters? I don't know. But I do know that they don't fuck around with their martinis, there's burlesque shows about every 20 minutes, sometimes right on the bar, and there are women in fairy wings who pull carts of absinthe around. It's like Disneyland through Helena Bonham Carter's eyes.

MANDRAKE: Every time I come here I find myself lying. For example I was trying to impress a guy at the bar, one of those kids you meet a thousand times but you're never quite sure if they remember you, so I told him that I was celebrating because I got a callback for Mad Men when really all I did was register at central casting to be an extra for the show. I made up an elaborate plotline about how I was reading for the part of a new secretary who finds something out about Roger that Joan doesn't want her to know. He seemed really happy for me which made me feel bad. One of the Phantom Planet dudes hangs out here, the one that isn't Jason Schwartzman, so that's almost cool.

LES DEUX: I've never been but I hear Les Deux is Latin for an old wooden ship.

BARDOT: Honestly most of the guys who go here are a hair above ugly but the women are stunning. Sometimes bands show up to do secret sets. I went there on a night that Chairlift did a surprise performance. After their set I saw a cute guy who looked sort of familiar, so I went up to him, introducing myself with, "You look kind of familiar." I name dropped a bit to see if we had anyone in common and he told me, "You look familiar too." Then this guy that I know came over and we started talking and the cute guy left. Then I realized that he looked familiar because HE WAS IN THE BAND THAT JUST PLAYED. Duh/d'oh.

CINESPACE: This place is famous for being home to The Cobrasnake guy and his buddies. On Tuesday nights they have parties where a lot of, yes, hipsters gather in hopes of being shot...with a camera. Yes, Cinespace is a fresh slice of 2005. It's cramped and gross and once Steve Aoki came up to me and wordlessly pet my hair. This place is just weird. 

TEDDY'S: Located in the Roosevelt Hotel and frequented by B-list celebs, I'm pretty sure that Teddy's is Spanish for "A Whale's Vagina." If you feel like dealing with this mob scene it's usually worth it for the DJ who spins Beatles. 90% of the time I come here I have a good time.

Have fun but remember: leggings are not pants unless you're really, really thin. If this shocks or upsets you then I'm sorry.

Almie Rose is the senior contributor to This Recording. She is a writer living in Los Angeles. She blogs here, and twitters here.

"Bottom Your Way To The Top" — Logan Lynn (mp3)

"Write It On My Left Arm" — Logan Lynn (mp3)

"Prey On The Power" — Logan Lynn (mp3)

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