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Friday, March 9, 2012 at 11:31AM 
Isms of the Dead
by DICK CHENEY
The Walking Dead
creator Frank Darabont
Not a single person has had consensual intercourse in this abbreviated mini-season of The Walking Dead. There was some sexual violence in the diegesis, which incidentally was the title of my first novella: Sexual Violence in the Diegesis. After society breaks down, things begin to revert back to how they were before people like Simone de Beauvoir and Mariah Carey changed the world as we knew it. There are lessons to be found in the grain.
In my last look at the series, I was heavily criticized by those who disagreed that the show's only African-American character, the so-called "T-Dog", was portrayed by veteran comic Anthony Anderson. No. I was making a highly subtle point about inability of The Walking Dead's writers to care about a character of color. I don't know if I exceeded Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal in the process, but how many comments did he get on his blog posts? None. Also, my name-dropping of Anthony Anderson allowed him to get a gig with The Golf Channel, and I wish him the best of luck in that venture.
the way they were
It's unclear what T-Dog stands for, or if Frank Darabont just looks at his script for The Shawshank Redemption and takes all his names from there. Glenn (Steven Yeun) has gotten slightly more attention this season, although his main storyline was "being a coward" and that he was spiritually weakened by the love of his new, white girlfriend Maggie (Lauren Cohan). Her father Hershel, the owner of the farm the castaways survivors came to in a time of need, has warmed up to his future Asian son-in-law over time. When a man earns your daughter's love, he is permitted your most valued pocketwatch.
Last week's show ended with the death of Dale Horvarth (Jeffrey DeMunn), the group's oldest member, when he was surprised by a stray member of the undead while observing a deer carcass. Since Dale had spent the previous 40 minutes of the episode whining about how they shouldn't kill a member of a rival gang they had taken prisoner, his passing was a welcome development, if a bit anticlimatic. The only irony that sustained the moment was the fact that 12-year old Carl could have killed the zombie earlier in the episode, but ran away. Then again, it took them this long to learn that mercy is the second most useless human emotion, after empathy?
it's good to see Mark Hamill still finds work where he can
There is a LOT of talking on The Walking Dead. Men and women rarely talk to each other, but within the sexes, there's a lot of dialogue. It mostly sounds like this:
"What kind of example are you setting for your boy?"
"Keeping your humanity - that's a choice!"
"Where's Carl?"
"Um, how are we lighting this house?"
"You guys."
"Do you want to become like THEM?"
a world without Juicy Juice
"She has to find her own way."
"Glen, get me a pregnancy test but don't tell my husband, you meek little fuck."
"Where's Rick?"
"I can no longer live in a world without juiceboxes. You guys."
"What was it like, before all this?" (Answer: It was Georgia.)
just another dead Democratic voter
Rick's wife Lori (Sarah Wayne Callies) has an extended argument with Andrea (Laurie Holden) about the latter's dismissal of the housework and cooking. "It puts a bigger burden on all of us," she tells her blonde rival, perhaps picking on her because of her increased closeness with Lori's former paramour, Shane (Jon Bernthal). Conflict between women is all fine and dandy - The Bold and the Beautiful ran for a long time, didn't it? - but not one of the women seems particularly concerned that the men are making all the life and death decisions while they hold society together. For this reason, The Walking Dead is a constant reminder not of how much it sucks to be a woman, but of how blissfully indifferent men are to anything that doesn't concern them directly.
Then again, as I type these words, Lynne just put some clean underwear next to me with a note that said, "Love you."
this turned into the food fight from "Hook"
To save costs, the vast majority of this season has taken place on Hershel's slave plantation family farm. The Walking Dead has badly missed the feeling of the open road, the possibility of happening onto some new and exciting relationship between the undead and the humans they hunt. Coming across other, more doomed people gave the show's main characters Shane and Rick (Andrew Lincoln) hope to go on. Now they just seem super pessimistic, their faces covered with the blood of friends and loved ones. I could make a joke about the Republican primaries, but then I would be no better than David Brooks.
"please God let my dad give Glenn a pocket watch"
I have been asked again and again to give up blogging and return to the political world, where amazingly I was able to get a majority of Americans (don't start) to elect me to the office of president. But I keep on doing what I do for the people that I love. Rick is the leader of this group for some strange reason, and whenever he's questioned, someone quietly whispers, "Rick's our leader." Shane's more prominent jawline and protruding schnozz seems to weigh in his favor, but I guess he's their G. Gordon Liddy?
sexist foregrounding
Given the ratings success the show has enjoyed a little more money in the budget should allow this awkward little family to get out on the open road again. There they will see the same old malefactors arranged in new settings. The real plague is the resurgence of racism, sexism, ageism. The weakness of the body is the only thing to prey on in these times, the facile and malleable nature of the body's features. Each time the undead reveals itself in the uniform of the mortal container it inhabits, we receive a delicate reminder, as here:
not casting seth green was a missed opportunity
So much time is spent reflecting on shared tragedy that the events themselves lose meaning. What we were before the bad thing happened is no longer of any relevance. Reminders of it take us back to that time and place, but the journey our mind takes is completely a fantasy. I am no longer the Vice President, and no matter how many times I see myself on the news I can never be the man who fit in that tiny little suit.
Dick Cheney is the senior contributor to This Recording. He is a writer living in an undisclosed location. You can find an archive of his writing on This Recording here.
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