TV « In Which We Retreat From Several Spurious Accusations »
Tuesday, November 12, 2013 at 11:50AM 
Only A Very Pale White Man
by DICK CHENEY
Guys, Dracula was just a guy. Think about this, I mean, or don't. Dracula was a man just like you were a woman, is what Maureen Dowd says in the mirror on Wednesday mornings. (Every other morning of the week she works out.) NBC's Dracula takes this concept to an illogical extreme.
Affecting a neutral sort of American accent in London society, Dracula (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) was just such a man, and he was not as evil as you had perhaps imagined? I will never — I repeat never — shit on a hagiography, but we are talking about the King of Death here. Or at least I think that is correct; the decade I read Anne Rice I was mostly on hallucinogenic drugs.
um Dracula people are watching
Rhys Meyers seems a bit cowed or disappointed by the role, drawing his voice into a low hush uttered quickly and concordantly. He has a black manservant named Renfield (Nonso Anozie) who knows of his affliction, and the two have reached some kind of understanding along the lines you might see in a lion and an oversized gazelle.
Resurrected by Dr. Van Helsing, Dracula is apparently a revenge-seeking individual along the lines of a scorned widow. He doesn't enjoy anything, not even murder. He thinks he's a hero: he does not know he is Dracula. What a disappointment.
this is your wifi password sir, here you go
It really doesn't make sense for the Dublin-born Rhys Meyers to do an American accent. I guess they felt the show would otherwise be too British for American television. I have to admit it might be. I mean, I watch Downton Abbey mostly to see what's coming to that murderer Bates, but my wife no longer comprehends a single word Lady Mary says, and she says my replacement Sybil jokes have run their course. You can't properly mock what's already a joke.
Watching Dracula was kind of time-consuming, although I am a categorical supporter of plus-size individuals on television. For example, on Usenet I defended Kirstie Alley long after it was remotely rational to do so. With this in mind, ABC's Super Fun Night reminds me of a lightly pleasant dream.
this is a realistic looking workplace
Rebel Wilson plays a young woman my daughter's age who works at a law firm. It turns out — this was the plot twist copied shamelessly from I believe Dallas — that the lawyers just crack jokes all day and spend their evenings consorting with her ugly duckling type men. I have never seen a woman so obviously appealing to men portrayed as unlikeable since Tina Fey.
Incidentally, the supposedly tongue-in-cheek way that Mindy Kaling talks self-deprecatingly about her body made my wife cry. I wish I knew how she felt.
stop wearing my pajamas Rebel
In reality, there is no such thing as self-deprecation, only self-hatred. Ms. Wilson's appeal echoes beyond that through an inner vivacity the world has not yet been able to rip from her. Her charm and comedy consists of a certain misplaced faith in a mix of the wrong and right things.
Taste is arbitrary, and repeating that maxim to myself is the only way I can read Talking Points Memo. You have to know the enemy, or better, know yourself. Wilson's character — Kimmie Boubier — has no clue of either, so Super Fun Night feels as dazzlingly unfinished as she does.
"Honey, were you feeling typecast in roles where you portray a former Playboy bunny? Because that happened to me."
Lynne prefers smaller quarry. Anna Faris stars in Mom with Allison Janney, who plays her mother. Faris' waitress character has a daughter and son of her own. No word on whether she signed up for health care, outside of the grotesque rants presented after each episode by the show's ancient creator Chuck Lorre.
Faris' lips form a strange and wacky inculcation. Janney looks fantastic for her age, the lowest compliment you can give a woman, and doesn't convincingly channel a mothering instinct. It's obvious she cares for her daughter, but in such a counterproductive way that I do not find it so comedic.
Chuck Lorre allowed a person of color on one of his television shows, fantastic
Both women are recovering alcoholics. For two women who frequently describe their wild pasts, the two are remarkably prude in sexual matters, to be disgusted by such simple notions as they are willing to discuss openly. It's a vagina, not a dark, undiscoverable place that can't be named aloud.
Faris' daughter Violet (Sadie Calvano) becomes pregnant herself and chooses not to abort the child. Very little is said about her decision, and she quickly separates her acquaintance with the baby's father and his religious family.
French Stewart deserved better, actually no he didn't nevermind
Faris begins intercourse with her married boss (Nate Corddy), a development so unlikely the two never touch onscreen except once. She breaks up with him partly for his rigidity and partly out of boredom. She tells a city engineer (Justin Long) that the stop sign he designed is very interesting, but she does not wholly believe it, and gives up on him too. Something about Faris makes all of this a bit more human than I have just described.
That show where Karl Urban is pals with a black robot looks like utter shit.
Dick Cheney is the senior contributor to This Recording. He is a writer living in an undisclosed location and the former vice president of the United States of America. You can find an archive of his writing on This Recording here. He last wrote in these pages about the end of Breaking Bad.
"our robots must have more wrinkles! begin!"
"Before We Run" - Yo La Tengo (mp3)
"I Saw The Light" - Yo La Tengo (mp3)
The latest album from Yo La Tengo is entitled Fade.
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