In Which You Want To Be On Some People's Minds

How To Get Men To Talk About Their Feelings

by MOLLY LAMBERT

Mad Men

Season 3, episode 11

"The Gypsy and The Hobo"

Betty pulled the old "we're going to Philadelphia" trick on Don, giving him the opportunity to make even more wild promises to Miss Farrell. Sarah Silverman will be coming out with an "I'm Fucking Don Draper" video any second now, because that is who Miss Farrell looks like. Like all gentile men, Don is into Jewish girls.

Betty read Mary McCarthy's seminal proto-feminist novel The Group last week in the bathtub, and as a result is inching ever so slowly towards becoming a person. She summons the strength to tell a lawyer about Don's secret box of secrets. 

Annabelle Mathis, who wants Sterling-Cooper to sell horse meat, would also like some of Roger Sterling's horse meat. He even jokes about how big it is (his D) in front of the ever patient Bert Cooper. Roger you are incorrigible and I love it.

Roger gives Annabelle a bit of the old verbal in-out in-out somewhere French. They go to a place with "lovely wines" and talk about old times in their life in Ernest Hemingway's A Moveable Feast. She says Roger walked around like he a character in somebody's novel and was an amateur boxer (I'm looking at you Jonathan Ames). 

Annabelle tells Roger about watching "Casablanca" and thinking how she fucked up by leaving him for someone lamer, Then he calls her Peter Lorre (LOLrre), because he does not give a fuck about this woman at all. Roger uses his newlywed status as an excuse for ditching horse meat lady, but we know the truth, it's Joan he's thinking of. Or Jane, it's actually totally vague and ambiguous. No clue really.

Suzanne Farrell cooks some pasta with cream sauce, and then she takes you down to a place by the river and feeds you tea and oranges. Don loves those bohemian types. Don lies about being happy and I seriously thought the bitch was finally gonna go Gloria Trillo on him and throw a steak at his (beautiful, cut from stone) face. Suzanne tells Don that she's catching feelings for him and Don, typically flattered/ego-stroked, tells her it's awesome and that they should go to Mystic, Connecticut.

Meanwhile Joan calls Roger and they have phone sex (BASICALLY, "what am I wearing?") Joan covers for Dr. Cut-Up and tells Roger she needs a job. Roger thinks about jobs he would like Joan to give him "You want to be on some people's minds" and Joan calls his bluff ("Are you asking if I miss you?") and then hangs up on him like a boss. Dr. Rapist tells Joan she doesn't know what it's like to want something your whole life and not get, and Joan breaks a vase on his head (LIKE A BOSS). 

Peggy shows up for a focus group. Where the hell is Ken Cosgrove, my blond prince of the maple trees? Harry Crane and Paul Kinsey both got full episode arcs this season. Whither my boy Kenny? Roger is kind of an asshole to the horsemeat heiress. She tells him he was the one and he says "you weren't." Annabelle assumes he means Jane, but we know the truth which is that Roger loves Joan Holloway Harris.

Don just likes dark-haired women. He has followed the Tony Soprano school of "marry a blonde, fuck brunettes." He tells his mistress to wait in the car while he packs a suitcase, and that's when Betty pulls the old Philadelphia surprise on him, i.e. she and the kids are not in Philadelphia. Then there is a lot of dramatic tension and suspense.

Somehow Betty takes control of the situation for the first time in her life and points out all the plot holes in the Chekhov's Gun that is Don Draper's box of Dick Whitman's Samplers and then calls him out for dodging with his usual techniques ("I can explain," "I need a drink") and deflates all his bullshit ("I don't know who you are.") The offscreen baby summons Betty, giving Don one commercial break to consider taking the money and running to the car outside where his bohemian lover is reclining.

Don decides to legitimately man up for the first time in his life and gives Betty three seasons worth of exposition on his backstory. Having an honest conversation with Betty for the first time in their marriage somewhat logically seems to improve their relationship. And then DON DRAPER CRIES. I hate to break this to you this guys right before the holiday season, but there is no such thing as James Bond.

Roger gets Joan a job after describing her an expensive beautiful redhead with a whip (brb making new business cards). Then Joan's husband admits he was an ass but tells her he solved their problems by joining the army as a surgeon (D'OH). He might have to go to Vietnam ("if that's still going on") and then tells her she can stay at home again! Fuck! Waiting for Joan to turn feminist is heartbreaking. She is a 5 star bitch.

Half the suspense in this show comes from wondering where people are when they wake up. Spoiler alert: Don stayed home/didn't run away from his problems this time. He is straightening up like that time when McNulty straightened up. He calls Miss Farrell to break the news that the best sex of her life is over. Then in the most thuddingly obvious section of the show, Sally and Bobby dress up as a hobo and a gypsy. Because Dick Whitman's real parents are a tramp and a hooker.

Most of the real suspense in Mad Men comes from waiting for things you are "expecting" to happen and then they don't happen, and something completely different and unexpected happens. In this way it is exceptionally true to life.

Molly Lambert is the managing editor of This Recording. She tumbls here and twitters here.

"Paperback Head" - Tegan & Sara (mp3)

"The Cure" - Tegan & Sara (mp3)

"Red Belt" - Tegan & Sara (mp3)

The new T&S album, Sainthood, is available tomorrow.

In Which We Drink the Clean Draught of Mad Men

Dark Waters

by ALMIE ROSE

Male. Female. Shallow. Deep. Lie. Truth. These are some of the conflicting themes boldly represented in last night's tonight's episode of Mad Men.

Mad Men is like a John Updike piece and a New Yorker cartoon formatted into a television show. It's not so much a television show as it is a culturally significant piece of art that I am lucky to bear witness to.

In these episodes we witness the eternal struggle between the opposites listed in the aforementioned lines. We watch as Pete tries to balance being a boy with being a borderline rapist. When Pete's wife goes out of town the first thing young Pete does is remove his shirt and tie all in one fell swoop. Pete's shirtlessness speaks volumes about nudity in madmen. Or the lack thereof. Which reminds me of something Kafka once said, but as viewers of Mad Men, I'm sure I don't need to tell you what.

As we watch young Pete grapple with the tower of responsibility we see Betty trying to climb a similar Jenga tower of her own; the one of womanhood. Betty and her female cohorts try to save the reservoir but Betty decides to enlist the help of a craggy looking man of political power. The question is, does Betty save the day, or does Betty's male friend save the day? Water, like gender, is a complex issue.

Don's shirt is white.

Pete's comely German neighbor stains a pink poofy dress, a garment that Pete is all too quick to sweep off of her hands. Pete, the man-child who was previously watching cartoons while eating cereal on the couch, is now trying to juggle the delicate and complex dynamic of gender issues. He wanders like a lost soul, or a poet, in the female clothing department. ("Republic of Dresses" as he refers to it, in his crisp and manly manner.)

Notice how he bows again to Joan who is always taking on the role of the eternal grandmother. Thus Pete is able to return from the department store not with a Chip N Dip, not with a rifle, but with an evening gown. This speaks volumes about the roles of men and women in the 1960s and foreshadows the women's movement. But then Pete basically rapes his female neighbor.

Betty is tackling a similar gender bend in which she tries to navigate the male dominated field of politics. She does so by kissing her reservoir savior. Later she and unknowing husband Don have the following exchange about something completely unrelated:

DON: "That's real politics."
BETTY: "Well you know, when you don't have any real power, you have to delay things."

Oh we know, Betty. We know, but can the women's movement be delayed? No, it cannot. The times are a-changing and a magic bus is pulling into its stop. All aboard the magical mystery tour and get off of my cloud. Betty's suit is pink. I think we all know what that means.

When even hinted at infidelity by Pete's starry-eyed wife, much like Lot's Wife, she falls into a pillar of Salt when Pete stumbles and in silence, confesses what his guilt cannot say. In this way, Pete's silence speaks volumes about his infidelity.

Trudy made a variety of cold salads.

And what of Betty's exterior compared to her interior? Betty's hairdo is exquisite. It's like sculpture, much like the fine city of Rome in which she is vacationing. In this way her hair echoes her suroundings, reminding us that Betty is always in style. "You think because of the way I'm dressed I'm shallow?" she asks Don, harkening back to the ever present reservoir theme. When Don later undresses her, we see that Betty is thin, but her hair is fat. This speaks volumes about the 1960s in so many ways. At least four.

They say that still waters run deep. But no water is still in Mad Men. These are churning waters rife with strife. These are waters that cannot be filtered into a reservoir, for no matter how many times you purify the waters of Mad Men, they will never be clean enough to quench your thirst. Bottled water is better for that.

Almie Rose is the contributing editor to This Recording. She is a writer living in Los Angeles. She blogs here, and she twitters here. She last wrote in these pages with tips for gentlemen.

"Where or When" - Diana Krall (mp3)

"I'll Hang My Tears Out To Dry" - Diana Krall (mp3)

"Too Marvelous for Words" - Diana Krall (mp3)

In Which I Know You're Drunk, Come Sit Next To Me

I Felt The Floor Open Up Under Me

by ELEANOR MORROW

Although we will cry for Don Draper and even weep when Don Draper hurts our feelings, it is better when Don Draper makes us laugh. "This is good champagne," Peggy says to Don at the graceless British invasion that brought perishables and emergency room visits. "I don't think so," he tells her with all the gravitas of someone who is simultaneously at the Emmys.

It was better when we didn't think Jon Hamm was acting, when we didn't know he was being ordered around by his intractable pseudo-lesbian wife between seasons. But we do know he's acting, he mugs for the camera at every opportunity. Don is at his pretend best when he's muttering questionable analogies he stole from his British CFO's near trip to Bombay. I hope the snake charmer bought that truculent secretary a better glass of champagne for preventing his journey to his firm's overseas sector.

"He was a pure account man," murmured Maxwell Sheffield, Fran Drescher's boss on The Nanny about the dashing Brit who nearly bossed Don around. Unsurprisingly, it was one of Mad Men's female writers who staged the funniest episode since Sterling read poetry to his younger-than-thou girlfriend over strawberries and prenuptial agreements.

Roger Sterling now spends more time complaining than Joan, and he has a lot less to complain about. Imagine if he came home in the dark and told his significant other he'd lost his prestige and fortune — Sterling would have also lost the price of a plane ticket.

"We took their money, now we have to do what they say," agrees Bertram Cooper reasonably. It turns out they'll say anything to make Don Draper into their personal city mouse. Don's quiet romance with Conrad Hilton aside, his chief virtue for the company seems to be accepting whatever admirers the British send his way. It's a positive trait he shares with Price, whose bosses crow, "One of your major strengths is
that you always do what you're told!"

This valuable business asset strolls home to an unsuspecting family. The only way he knows it's actually his place he's found at the end of a long day is by the particular toy strewn about the yard. The best scene this week was Betty's maudlin sit-down with her daughter: "You're very important to me, too," Betty informs her first-born after handing her a ghoulish present from Eugene the baby.

Someone better keep an eye on Gene before Sally tosses him into a trash compactor just to find something to do. "Only boring people get bored," quips Betty, who has nothing better to do all day than smoke and yell at people for not liking the name of her baby.

When I meet drunk lonely old men at parties, they always want to give me their business, but not like they do Don Draper. Please have someone competent inscribe, "I don't think anyone wants to think about a mouse in a hotel" on my gravestone.

Sally's sleepless journey into the undead haunts of Grandpa Gene and lifeless barbies was most taxing. The set for her room looks like the inside of a woodshed, and the demands she makes on Don are roughly equivalent to a restructuring of personnel. Once the little sucker stops staring and starts asking you for money is when the kid is no longer cute. Exhibit One is resting on your shoulder, Don.

Even among all this show's childbearing and corporate restructuring ("You were the only one in the room who got a promotion"), Weiner still found time to shit on Joan Holloway. Quitting your favorite job for your beloved is a common slip — it rarely adds up on any ledger.

Joan can't bring herself to really confront Greg, or she'd utter those fateful words — "I strongly wish I had known you weren't a surgeon before I let you r me on the floor of my boss's office." All she had to do was follow that up with a MLIA and she'd know the pain most are suffering in '09 depression. The only thing to do with a drunk failure is undress him.

Indeed, all a person requires from the world is that someone be there to turn out the light for them and leave the door to their room closed an appropriate distance. Sleeping in utter darkness is for gollums and other failures at the day-to-day intercourse that mars the world, that broadcasts the subtle signs of our discontent. It is more important to appear to be happy than to actually be happy.

Eleanor Morrow is the senior contributor to This Recording. She tumbls here. You can find her most recent Mad Men essays here and here.

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