In Which We Entertain The Concept of An Invulnerable Human Being

Unbreakable

by ALEX CARNEVALE

Modernity has brought along a new set of pleasures along with its challenges. Before luminaries like Leonardo Da Vinci, Marcel Proust and Dave Meltzer, how were we to know, definitively, who the most dangerous human being on the planet is?

I have an idea for a reality show in which having found the most dangerous man on the planet, I take him into various bigoted places of the world and watch locals screw with him. Were it not for the perplexing evolution of firearms, this would be a no-lose concept. Of course, we would have to determine the most feared human in hand-to-hand combat first. Actually, we wouldn't, because his name is Fedor Emelianenko.

Since I found out about the existence of Fedor sometime around a decade ago, I can't help but be fascinated by the idea of an individual who feels no pain and cannot be defeated by anyone. In the fall, this individual made his debut in the Strikeforce promotion, where he fought heavyweight Brett Rogers. Here was the result:

Although no Fedor win is ever the least bit surprising, this one was a little different because Rogers broke his opponent's nose on the first punch of the fight. Sure, this happens sometimes, and a broken nose isn't a broken arm. But it is unclear Fedor was aware he had even had been touched.

Fedor was born in 1976 in Rubizhne, the easternest region of the Ukraine. His parents were unaware they had birthed a child of such possible ferociousness. Indeed, despite having no history of combat in the family, all of Emeliananko children went into human combat. In 2006 Fedor was asked about his hobbies: "I like to draw if I have some time and inspiration. I like to listen to music and read books. Sometimes, in the winter, I like to swim in an ice hole."

Fedor's training methods have become relatively notorious. In 1997, he gave up weight-lifting completely. His main activity is running, with his training in different styles making up the balance of his time. Fedor's conditioning has become legendary. He never appears to become fatigued during fights, always advancing on his opponent with the same maddening, shuffling gait, never not pressing the attack. The effect of this approach is psychological and practical. Mentally, the opponent can never gather his resources or stall the fight to rest. Practically, Fedor prefers the opponent to always be on his heels.

Recently Fedor published a book that reflecting a vast store of knowledge from someone who said he started fighting because he was broke. Fedor's command of submissions is particularly impressive - he never appears to be a master technician, perhaps another strategic psychological advantage. In a match with a large opponent where Fedor's reach makes him more susceptible to strikes, submission is usually his preferred finish.

if you see your children so arranged, best to separate themLike his wildly popular welterweight counterpart Georges St. Pierre, Fedor has closed all the weaknesses in his game. He is nigh-on invulnerable being struck; he can't be taken down by an opponent. He's like what a troll is in Faerie. How do you defeat such a creature?

Alex Carnevale is the editor of This Recording. He tumbls here and twitters here.

"Don't Let The Record Label Take You Out to Lunch" - Jeffrey Lewis (mp3)

"No LSD Tonight" - Jeffrey Lewis (mp3)

"Alphabet" - Jeffrey Lewis (mp3)