In Which We Gossip Girl About Some Nation States

Blair Waldorf is Pakistan

by CLAIRE HOWORTH

When Blair Waldorf got up to her old tricks in Monday's episode of Gossip Girl, we were overwhelmed by a sense of déjà vu. Who else is so dubious but likable? Why else do we cross our fingers that evil will subside, good will prevail, and most bystanders will scrape by unscathed?

Our mind wandered as Kristen Bell’s young-Demi husk concluded another Monday evening of Upper East Side misanthropy. Occasionally despotic, with wavering allegiances… James Taub in the Times Magazine, Jane Perlez every day… Somewhere deep in our psyche, the hottest television show metamorphosed into the hottest geopolitical topic… Could it be…?

Yes, Blair Waldorf is Pakistan.

Make no mistake—she is not Pakistani. The woman is an entire complex country unto herself, as alternately scorching as the Thar desert and frigid as the Pamir mountains. Ambitious and upwardly mobile like her neighbors (China, Afghanistan, India), she claws tenaciously to better her station, at almost any cost. And everything has its price.

You can’t quite understand her, try as you might. She can be completely endearing (Zulfikar, Benazir), she can do the right thing (Soviet-Afghan War), and yes, she’s shown signs of loyal abilities, if not out & out loyalty, and however minimal (member of the U.N. and Organization of the Islamic Conference, but refuses nuclear disarmament). When Blair reclaimed her throne as queen of the Met steps last season, it was her Musharraf moment—a coup instilling order and regimented control among that little Weird Sister trifecta, the Taliban of Constance Billiard.

But we sense there is danger lurking under all those pretty headbands, something troubled. Eschewing Nate Archibald in favor of the dark side of Chuck Bass? Even if she seems momentarily aligned with benevolence, it was a ridding of the Bhuttos, over & over again. Blackmailing Vanessa? Nawaz Sharif.

The question is, will Blair’s fundamentally torn nature be good or bad in the end? Only time will tell!

XOXO…

Claire Howorth is the senior contributor to This Recording. You can find more of her writing over at Vanity Fair.

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