In Which We Do Nearly Everything In Our Underwear

Crime Potpourri

by DICK CHENEY

No one I know remembers anything they do. It's only television characters that are constantly reminded of their failures; it's called, you know, continuity, unless you work for J.J. Abrams, then they call it what? who gives a shit.

What is real? I have no further knowledge of this. When I meet a child in the real world - this usually only happens in church or when I'm buying schnapps — they talk like adults. But when I see them on television, they talk like babies. Did I ever tell you guys what my first word was? I'll give you a hint: racism was huge in Nebraska in the early '40s. There is a similar problem with the Detroit presented in Chris Mundy's new AMC series Low Winter Sun.

why are no crime dramas set in St. Tropez?

I was only ever in Detroit a couple times of times because it's so shitty. Viewing the repulsive vistas of the place in constant eponymous dusk, it's worse than I remember. Homicide detective Frank Agnew (Mark Strong) is haunted, we know this for sure because there are constant flashbacks to him telling a prostitute that he loved her and he wants to "know everything about her." This is the most disturbing thing about Frank, the second most disturbing thing is that he murders one of his colleagues by drowning him in the sink and framing it as a suicide.

always missing u gale

Frank is appointed to investigate the murder he committed. This would appear to make his life a lot easier, but internal affairs scion Simon Boyd (David Costabile) is watching his every move. Both men are relentless in their aims, and this is true of nearly everyone on Low Winter Sun. Since there is not really much to have in Detroit, it stands to reason that it's a lot harder to get what there is. Costabile's muted performance is so captivating that the show would do well to focus on him more than it does, and his interplay with Frank is more nuanced than most marriages.

this is the holmby hills of detroit, the rest is just charred newspapers and jpegs of automobile factories

We get the sense that Frank is a capable police officer despite his flaws. His counterpart in the criminal world is the whoremaster with a heart of gold Damon Callis (James Ransome). Through the cooperation of the cop Frank murdered, Damon planned to put a rival operation behind bars and open a magnificent house of ill repute in what I believe is Detroit's Champs-Élysées. As a young godfather, Ransome shows so much charisma he nearly blows everyone else off the screen completely. Once I saw him without his shirt off and I literally gasped.

he was also fantastic in Ken Park

Low Winter Sun is very grim, constantly implying that the auto bailout was a horrid idea at nearly every turn. I would keep talking about it, but I usually save my analysis of inner city race relations for my private journals about Treme. Here's a sneak peek though:

Who is this person? Is he a musician?
Are they divorced?
Who is this black person?
I thought the parade was over. Oops.
Who is this black person?

Low Winter Sun, as magnificent as it is (hiefly because of the direction of Spike Lee cinematographer Ernest Dickerson), also serves a more important purpose — making Breaking Bad seem lighthearted and fun in comparison. Just make sure you don't stick around for Talking Bad, or you will be gifted with the realization that without smarter individuals to script their dialogue, actors all sound like Jesus during cocktail hour.

Lydia you look so fantastic I have forgiven your appetite for destruction completely

Last night marked the return of the great Todd to Breaking Bad. Have you ever met a Todd who wasn't a complete dick? Respect to Lydia for not settling for meth with 64 percent purity. She is a stickler for that extra ten percent. The pairing of Todd and Lydia reminds me of a variety of great tandems: Mario and Luigi, or for a more recent example, Justin Bieber and any woman. Their romance shall span the ages.  I guess I finally understand the deeper meaning behind Martin Lawrence's 1996 masterpiece A Thin Line Between Love And Hate.

an opportunity was missed here to use Alicia Keys' "Fallin'" but whatever
Skyler White also knows the meaning of this. Her loyalty to her husband was not particularly surprising in this episode — I sense she did not really like Hank, partly because you can never really embrace the person who becomes more important to your sister than you are, and partly because you can trust a bald man, but only one bald man at a time. "I can't remember the last time I was happy," she said at one point last night, and Walt's reaction indicated that it was a common ground between them.

you know they could just beg him, it works when brad pitt wants sex I never realized that people don't like Skyler; I guess because she was so mad at Walt and sexed up Ted? I never argue with a woman with lips that large out of fear I could eventually be swallowed whole. There is something about a wife who stands by her husband's choice of underwear that we all can respect. Then again, the idea that loyalty, even blind loyalty, is a virtue killed more people than firearms.

The idea that anyone could not like Walter White, or begrudge a single thing he has ever done, strikes me as so completely insane I can barely fathom it.

when I look at this I see a speedboat made of gold and whimsy. When our president does, he sees an investment for solar powered tacos

What Walt does with his money is his business. When I was a kid I used to wonder why they didn't just print more money, until I learned the reason. (Paul Krugman never did find that out.)

The best scene by far featured Walt in his office with his lawyer Saul Goodman, subject of the rumored spin-off. For that to happen, Bob Odenkirk would have to imbue the character with something more than a light anti-Semitism. Actually the more that I think about it, it's just nice to have an openly Jewish character who doesn't speak like they are from Parsippany.

I keep my extra cash in a hollow safe I had surgically installed in my wife's cervix
Walt's immediate rejection of the idea of killing Hank was hilarious, but it also makes logical sense. It's not like Marie wouldn't know the culprit. Still, there would be more tension surrounding this revelation if we did not know from the flashforwards that Walt is definitely going to be revealed to the world. At least we can take solace in the fact that he is still alive and well, leaving open the possibility of Walt as the lead in a male version of Orange Is The New Black.

let my people go jokes are a relic of our wordpress daze

My wife Lynne tells me that too often I jump from subject to subject. Women don't like this, she says, because they sense that if you can so easily abandon a subject on your mind, then you might well move on as quickly from the idea that you love them.  "Who is that black person?" I replied. She said it was Alfre Woodard.

Dick Cheney is the senior contributor to This Recording. He is the former vice president of the United States and a beacon of subsistence for every citizen who comes in contact with him. You can find an archive of his writing on This Recording here.

reminders of the numbers on Lost always take me to that dark place

"A Moment's Grace" - Boy & Bear (mp3)

"End of the Line" - Boy & Bear (mp3)

why don't we just relocate the population of Detroit here. I guarantee they will be happier and if they dig a bit they will find millions