In Which Mitch Hedberg Draws His Hair Back From His Eyes

Mitch All Together

by MELANIE STRONG

I have a vest. If I had my arms cut off, it'd be a jacket.

Watching Mitch Hedberg on stage, with his sunglasses, his hair over his eyes, and his jaunty and well-timed delivery, I realized for the first time what a true comedian could be.

It was at that moment, seeing him on youtube in a short clip, that my love of comedians crystallized. The brain of a true comedian, I thought, held so much mystery for me. The way in which a person can connect so many seemingly mundane things into each tiny piece of word art inspires awe.

A good comedian will, of course, make it look easy. But a great comedian, like Hedberg, will make the comic notion he is proposing seem like something you should have known. It evokes a wonder, a respect and a sort of jealousy at his higher power in observation and synthesis.

I saw a lady on T.V. She was born without arms. Literally, she was born with her hands attached to her shoulders... and that was sad, but then they said, "Lola does not know the meaning of the word 'can't.'" And that to me was kinda worse... in a way... ya know? Not only does she not have arms, but she doesn't understand simple contractions. It's very simple Lola, you just take two words, you put them together, then you take out the middle letters, you put a comma in there and you raise it up!

Hedberg was no natural comedian. Working in the industry for years, Mitch suffered from extreme stage fright. As a result of this, his sunglasses and shaggy hair would remain staples in his routine. His observational one-liners and unique delivery, an inspiration, it seems, from Steven Wright, earned him a loyal cult following.

Despite, or perhaps because of, the quality of his material, it took a few years for him to accumulate the components of the act he became so well known for. His delivery, a strange mix of southern gentleman, Mexican stereotype and autistic child, took years to perfect as well.

Mitch died of a drug overdose in 2005. His widow, Lynn Shawcroft, continues to uphold his legacy. An excerpt of a message from her, on his site:

Everything around me is touched by him. How often do you find that moments and situations will draw you to one of his jokes? I hear his voice in my mind and he never stops inspiring me.

It's true. Once you hear Hedberg, you never forget it. If you consume mass quantities, over a short period of time (as I am wont to do), you will find yourself imitating his speech mannerisms. Thereafter, no joke is quite as funny unless it contains at least two awkwardly placed pauses.

A simple walk to the grocery store will remind you of a joke that he delivered and you will find yourself laughing in line, while the cashier eyes you suspiciously.

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck. An arrow killed you, they would never solve the crime. "Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way."

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large out of focus monster roaming the countryside. Look out, he's fuzzy, let's get out of here.

Melanie Strong is the senior contributor to This Recording. Here is where she hides.

"Hotels and Beds"— Mitch Hedberg (mp3)

"Three Easy Payments" — Mitch Hedberg (mp3)

"The Dufrenes" — Mitch Hedberg (mp3)

"Saved by the Buoyancy of Citrus" — Mitch Hedberg (mp3)

You know they call corn-on-the-cob 'corn-on-the-cob' right? But that's how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that 'corn.' They should call every other version 'corn-off-the-cob.' It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call my arm 'Mitch.' But then reattach it and call it 'Mitch-all-together!'