ADVICE « In Which Molls Will Date Someone With Many Disadvantages »
Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 10:48AM 
Plz Advise
by MOLLY MCALEER
Plz Advise is an advice column. You can e-mail me questions about almost anything, but don’t like, take out a loan against your 401k or murder anyone based on anything I say. I'm not a doctor, duh. E-mail your questions to plzadviseme@gmail.com and keep them under 150 words.
Molls,
Recently, after working together and being friends for a few years, my best guy friend suddenly asked me if I liked him and informed me that he likes me. Is it worth risking a great friendship to see if it could be something more? I do like him, but I am happy being single and was not looking for any kind of relationship with him or anyone else. I am worried that if things don't work out then it will always be awkward between us and I don't know if it's worth it to lose one of my best friends. Also, I am not exactly crazy about the idea of a relationship with a coworker.
Lizzie
Don’t do it. It sounds like you’re not in a position to be dating, and if that’s the case, than the last person you want to test your limits on is someone that you respect, love and have to maintain a professional relationship with. You’re asking me, and in my world, work is just as important as friendship, maybe even more depending on the type of friend and how badly you want to succeed.
Do the easiest hard thing and tell him that, while you do think he’s cool/attractive/whatever, you’d hate to screw up your friendship and working environment to test out something you’re already pretty sure you’re incapable of doing right now. Do it today. Do it before you let him go another day wondering what could be and do it to his face. If he’s the immature type (which is what I’m getting from the whole, “I like you, do you like me?” thing,) don’t tell him there’s a chance you’ll change your mind over time. If you think he can handle that sort of qualification, throw it out there with zero promises attached. And maybe don't go drinking with him.
This dude’s not going to go anywhere, but hopefully your career will. Fingers crossed that he doesn’t turn into a psycho who can’t handle your fair, honest and polite rejection.
Molls,
A friend of mine recently became engaged and subsequently married. We had been out of touch for a little while, and while I wouldn't have been surprised to be invited to the wedding, which was in New York where I live and not in L.A. where she lives, I wasn't invited. No big deal - she knows that I would have trouble affording a gift anyway and it's not like we had stayed close. The problem is that every time I log onto Facebook, I see some new thing from the wedding or honeymoon. It's literally been two straight months of content from their wedding and it makes me feel bad. I don't wish them any harm, but is it bad form to unfriend her and her husband and possibly take out a contract on her life?
Ellie
Girl, ready for me to change your life? Go to your Facebook newsfeed. Find the most recent post about her dumbass wedding and run your mouse over it. A little “X” will appear in the upper right hand corner of the post. Click on it. A menu will pop up and there are three options: “Hide this post,” “Hide all posts by Silly Bitch (or whatever her name is,)” and “Mark as spam.”
If you’re feeling cheeky, mark that shit as spam. If you’ve taken a deep breath and put things into perspective, click the “Hide all posts” option. That’s it, boo. She’s gone from your feed and you don’t have to be the petty person who deletes friends on Facebook.
Also, reading your Facebook feed is for perverts, gossips and high schoolers. You might want to consider stopping all together. Not knowing what annoying people are up to is power.
Molls,
I'm a Facebook-less, 21-year-old, male, Education major, type O+, 6'5'' guy at Ohio State. About six months ago I broke up with a girl I was practically married to for four and a half years (too many hand jobs). In other words: I am experiencing females for the first time. Granted, I had a great time constantly getting drunk and stoned with friends and re-evaluating life for a few months from my couch, I'd prefer to become a functional member of society again. My problem is that I'm not a Bro and, it turns out, girls my age love Bros. I'm a pretty self-aware, outgoing person, but lose it when I encounter a girl - ESPECIALLY the interesting, attractive, confident type of girl I am drawn to. In no way am I trying to find myself in a relationship; I totally enjoy my own company and don't need a relationship to be happy, but I should obviously start getting my shit together. Ideas?
Jason
Did you seriously dump a girl you were practically married to because you were only getting handy action? Damn. Maybe you’re more of a “bro” than you thought.
I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’re a kind of sensitive and quiet dude who’s not getting any play because you’re not traditionally good-looking or confident despite the fact that you’re not traditionally good-looking. (Straight-up gnarly dudes can reel in poon like freakin' marlin if they have swagger.) Maybe you have unusual interests or dress in a different style than your peers. Either way, you have to work on the confidence thing, if not so you can “get it in,” so that you can be a champion. I always think that bordering on straight-up arrogance is the way to go through life. Regardless of what anyone will tell you, no one’s that into people who are humble. Ask Kanye. I’m not saying you should be a jerk or something, but no one’s going to give you credit if you don’t give yourself credit.
Don't let your current situation freak you out about the future. The most desirable dudes I know couldn’t get action in high school or college to save their lives. People love act like kids go to college to find their soul mate, but they don’t. They’re there to learn some stuff, drink beer and set themselves up for a job in the real world. That usually means that the hook-ups are casual and based on stuff like looks and who has access to alcohol/a roommate that doesn’t mind if you have sex while they’re “sleeping” in the same room.
Not getting laid in college doesn’t mean you’re not going to get laid once you’re out of college or that you won’t be the first one of your friends to score an awesome chick whom you can get with regularly once most of the superficial fraternizing is out of the way. As a single lady who’s more than a couple years older than you, I can tell you first hand that pretty much all I’m looking for in a dude is someone who meets my definition of the word normal, likes most of the same stuff I do and will give me the longest leash possible. I would maybe marry a dude with a cleft palate and a stutter if he is supportive, likes The Police and shuts up and leaves me alone upon request.
To review:
1) Call your ex-girlfriend and tell her you respect her for being true to herself and not doing something that makes her uncomfortable because you ditched her, you bro.
2) Get confident, even if you have to fake it until you believe it,
3) Keep all the things you like about yourself intact. You’ll either find someone who likes those things about you too, or you’ll get comfortable enough to pull an Aniston and move to Malibu and get five dogs,
4) Chill the fuck out. Like, in general.
5) I'll date a dude who's practically handicapped.
Molly McAleer is the senior contributor to This Recording. She is a writer living in Los Angeles. She twitters here. You can find her website here.
Photographs by Jennifer Nies.
Experience the Short But Vital History of Plz Advise
Plz Advise #1: Guidelines for Twitter Romance
Plz Advise #2: Everytime You Go Away
Plz Advise #3: How to Make Friends And Influence Bloggers
Plz Advise #4: More Of A Bro Than You Thought
Plz Advise #5: Martini Time
Plz Advise #6: A General Lack of Self-Awareness
Plz Advise #7: Dump Your Boyfriends
Plz Advise #8: Advice To Keep Close At Hand
"That's My Attitude" - Trina (mp3)
"Friends" - The Toasters (mp3)
"Can't Touch Me No More" - Tanya Stephens (mp3)
molls, molly mcaleer, plz advise
Reader Comments (7)
Ah, Molly! You are a legend! I so look forward to these every week. I wish I had just a sprinkling of your writing talent!! Keep on keepin' girl! In South Africa we have a saying.... "Jou Lekker Ding"- it means you rock (I promise).
"I'll date a dude who's practically handicapped." Your ableist slurs aren't funny.
@anon -- You`re off-base. You visited a humorous column and are upset that she wasn`t politically correct. I have just as much respect for every single person as you do, but you should know when to slam your gavel down and when to realize the gravity of comedy and chill the fuck out.
@The Guy With Way Too Much Time -- Advice--which is what this column is based on--is contextual. It is obviously inferred that many other possible responses from Molls exist, but she happened to advise the way she did. Go make your own advice column, you bored man, you.
@Ryan -- You are coming down pretty hard on some people yourself. You don't write on a blog if you don't want comments, off-base or on. Goes with the territory.
"gravity of the comedy" was an interesting turn of phrase...
Dear Molls, I fear you have misunderstood poor Jason: as I read his letter, his "break-up" was with his own right hand (or left, I suppose). He's decided to cease masturbatory delights in favour of seeking out actual girls, hence, "I am experiencing females for the first time".
I grant you, he expressed himself in a convoluted if humourous style, and it took me a couple of reads to get the right end of the stick. It may be worth confirming with him what he means...
Cheers
SkorpionUK
@SkorpionUK -- Although your deduction seems logically true and is brilliant, it was totally a real female. I actually broke up with her because I wanted to become a real person and meet people, not because of too many hand jobs. I was made fun of by friends when we discussed the relationship and the abundance of hand jobs, so it seemed like a funny way to not babble about how our worldviews changed. And I was with her from the time we were 16, so--in a way--I kind of am experiencing actual dating for the first time.
"and it took me a couple of reads to get the right end of the stick." --- Ha!
@Jason
Well, colour me extremely amused!
Best of luck to you.