In Which Molls Is Now Regarded As Your Closest Advizer

Plz Advise

by MOLLY MCALEER

Plz Advise is an advice column about almost anything, but don't like, take out a loan against your 401k or murder anyone based on anything I say. I'm not a doctor, duh.

Molls,

I've recently been fired from coaching a high school basketball team; a job that I completely adored. I coached with one of my closest friends who I had previously coached other teams with. After our first season coaching high school, she fired me completely out of the blue. I don't have a problem with being fired but rather with the way she fired me; in my own home, with no clear reason why I was being fired (she did say she wanted to “spread her wings,” but she’s an art major so like, why spread them into coaching?), and the day before we were getting back to work after a 2 week break. This was about a month ago. I feel so hurt and disrespected, like our friendship meant nothing to her. We’ve been friends for 6 years and as much as I want to get over how the firing went down, I can’t. Am I reacting normally, or do I need to get over myself?

Kiesha

Acknowledge that this chick is mad rude and accept it. Gross, evil, insecure people exist and you should be glad you're not one of them. Then go to your previous team's rival, volunteer to coach and wipe the floor with her ass.

Go team.

Molls,

I want to move to L.A. but I'm freaked out. I have a support system in the Valley (Family) and friends in Venice. If I move I won't leave the Westside often if possible. I'm in Sales and Marketing, not entertainment. Still a little nervous I’ll be poor/ wont meet normal guys.

Annie

If fear is the only thing that’s stopping you, then I suggest you tackle it and feel silly in retrospect for placing such a high value on those emotions.

I didn't know anyone but two of my friends from college when I moved to L.A. and all of my family still live in Massachusetts. You have an edge just by having someone who is blood and who can pull you out of the gutter or give you a hot meal just because they feel obligated to do so. There have been a dozen times when I’ve been like, "If only I had an aunt in the Valley!"

You'll be fine. There's plenty of work in your field out here. Dudes are gross and a pain pretty much everywhere. So are chicks. Everyone sucks to date and there are worse things than being poor.

See ya on the beach!

Hi Molls,

i'm 13 and i want to start a blog kind of like yours my dad doesnt want me to, and i'm verrrrrrrrrrrrry shy, like i was thinking of geting a wig like miley on " hannah montana" just to try.(like i joke, i dont like hannah) i think it woul be funny and it coul work bur i dont know wer or how to buy it without my father see it.

Molly

Of course your name is Molly and you want to start a blog. That's like being named Cinnamon and wanting to be a stripper. I get it.

You should listen to your dad. Parents usually say things for a reason. Trust me when I say that you have your whole life to blog, especially if you don’t mind being practically poverty stricken.

If you go behind his back and do it anyway, just make sure you don't write anything on there that will let people know who you are. Make up fake names for yourself and your friends; don't say where you live or where you go to school.

It may not seem like it, but if you want to be anything like me, you have to practice every day. I made my first blog on Geocities or Angelfire when I was 11 and I only got away with it because my mom had no idea what I was doing on the computer. I'm from a different time, kid.

You're probably going to hate your blog at first (and maybe forever, actually) but doing it every day decreases your odds of having everyone else hate it, too.

Make sure you use spellcheck.

Molls,

So there's this girl that is a friend of a friend of mine who I am developing a crush with. This girl and I actually follow each other on most of social networking/blow sites and we seem to have a lot of the same niche interests and "acknowledge" each others presence - likes, re-blogs, RT, etc. I've never actually held a conversation with this person, but Im sure we'd have a decent time hanging out. So how do I approach the subject of hanging out? Is it too forward? Also if I happen to run into her while she's with our mutual friend should I act more like a stranger or should it be more friendly?

Derek

Why do you think God invented dick pics, Derek?

J/Ksies, dawg. Don’t send her a dick pic… yet.

Just send her a message in her Tumblr ask box and be like, "Hey, girl. You seem dope. Sorry if this is awkward for you or if you’re not into this kind of thing, but do you want to get a drink sometime?" OR "Hey, I saw you like (insert band/artist’s name here.) I have tickets to their show in two weeks and it would be fun to go with another fan. No pressure. You’re allowed to think this is weird and not respond to me."

Read real closely: Do not misrepresent yourself and say you "want to be friends" (she'll never believe that even if she’s playing along) and do not compliment her looks or pretend you know her. Probably just copy and paste what I wrote above and hope that you've got a fly looking avatar, because that’s all I’d respond to. You have to wait to make sure this chick isn't totally fucked up before you can figure out the romantic stuff.

Be prepared to have her tell you in person that everything you know about her online presence is a lie. Be prepared to hate her guts or find out she has a boyfriend she doesn’t talk about on her blog. Don’t act like you’re going to know her deal before you meet in person. Assuming anything about her will be a turn off to her and a potential disappointment to you. It will also kill any illusion that you haven’t been tracking her moves online for long time and thinking about her when you masturbate.

Good luck. My fingers are crossed that it's a love connection!

Molly McAleer is the senior contributor to This Recording. She is a writer living in Los Angeles. She twitters here. You can find her website here. She is the co-founder of Hello Giggles.

Photographs by Jennifer Nies.

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Plz Advise #2: Everytime You Go Away

Plz Advise #3: How to Make Friends And Influence Bloggers

Plz Advise #4: More Of A Bro Than You Thought

Plz Advise #5: Martini Time

Plz Advise #6: A General Lack of Self-Awareness

Plz Advise #7: Dump Your Boyfriends

Plz Advise #8: Advice To Keep Close At Hand

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In Which You Should Probably Dump Your Respective Boyfriends

Plz Advise

by MOLLY MCALEER 

Plz Advise is an advice column. You can e-mail me questions about almost anything, but don’t like, take out a loan against your 401k or murder anyone based on anything I say. I'm not a doctor, duh. E-mail your questions to plzadviseme@gmail.com and keep them under 150 words.

Molls,

My only goal for the past decade was writing, 3 unpublished novels. Adversely, things like kids and marriage were the last thing on my mind. My relationship of 3-years is now an issue. I love my girlfriend and can see marrying her, having kids, but what’s holding me back is money and time. If I had kids my time would be gone. We live together and balancing my alone time/writing and being a good companion is already very difficult. Writing makes me happy. I know this 100 percent. I could devote all my days to this. But I can’t currently. Can I have both? Would I regret ending a relationship with a woman I love because I wouldn’t have the time to be what she wants? Or would I be resentful of the family that takes all my time and means, keeping me from the thing I know makes me happy?

Trevor

Wow. That's so weird that the thought of serious relationship was the last thing on your mind when it was the only palpable thing you've had. Pretty weird. Might be a book idea in there somewhere for you. Maybe just a character. I don't know, I've never tried to write a book.

Stop being a fucking donkey. Why are you punishing this woman because you can't concentrate on your crybaby art? You willingly entertained a relationship for a pretty long period of time and have probably enjoyed most of it, yet you blame her for your inability to get your work done? Gross, man.

You have three options:

1) Dump the girlfriend and finish ONE of your three books. Take it seriously. Finish it and submit it to publishers. If you’re rejected, look into private investors or Kickstarter. You don’t get your entire 20s or 30s to sit back and work on novels at night while you drop your resume into a well of irrelevance while simultaneously blaming your choices on another person,

2) Go to a fucking coffee shop and work there. Tell your girlfriend that you need to work and that you hope you guys can share your success one day and that you appreciate her support. If she's already stuck it out for three years, she should understand,

3) Realize that, while writing makes you the most happy and you’re all Letters to a Young Poet about it, you can't get it done. Hurt to read? Then go back to options one and two and figure it out from there.

Molls,

I've recently started seeing a guy who I have been friends with for a long time. Our relationship has a great dynamic: he's very easygoing and fun and very caring. However, there is one problem. He seems to not be completely over his ex, or maybe the idea of his ex. They broke up a year ago and it was a pretty bad breakup. It hadn't started bothering me until recently when we decided to start getting serious. He'll drop her name in conversation randomly or fixate on something that bothered him about her. He doesn't seem to be AWARE of it, which makes it even worse. I'd like to think I'm cool about it by not ever calling him out on it or making a big deal because I figure that's something he'll eventually get over it, but I sometimes wonder if I'm just in denial about it. It's more annoying than worrisome and I'm wondering what I can do to not let this bother me so much.

Lindsay

It genuinely saddens me to let you know that he's not over her and that you should dump him.

Molls,

So there's this guy. He hooked up thrice (nothing serious) with a friend of mine, but it never took off and ended amicably. Recently she introduced us and I think there could be something there. However, I can't stop feeling uneasy about their past history, particularly given she mentions it jokingly a lot. I've asked her if she’d be bothered if I pursued it and she's said no. He seems great and I've had it a bit rough the past two years and I feel like I deserve to try my hand at happiness within the dating scene having finally reached a place where I'm ready to BUT: Does this make me a bad friend if I do, despite her blessing? Will knowing they hook up ever not cause me pangs? Am I being a head case?

Ash

That'd be a big no and two maybes.

If your friend said to go for it, then that's what you should feel free to do. You may want to consider that it sounds like she's not over it, but it's her job to be honest with you about her feelings.  I've had this happen to me before and I wound up realizing that my friend was uncomfortable talking about her feelings with me because she was insecure and generally resented me and that the dude sucked and was not for me. That's worst-case scenario, but it'll still free you of two people that you probably don’t want around.

Just go out with this dude as friends and figure out how you feel. Go mad slow. Hang out with him and see what happens between you and how your friend reacts. Maybe you'll want to vomit any time you think about him penetrating your homegirl, maybe you'll find out he’s not as cool as you thought he was, or maybe you'll hear from her that she’s secretly in love with him and couldn't be brought to tell you. There's also a chance that none of this will matter and you two will hit it off.

As of right now, you're not working with enough information to make a decision and as you said, you deserve to have some fun with a guy. Save your worrying and ask me what I think in a few months when it turns out this dude is a heroin addict and you ask him to watch your cat for the weekend and you come home and all your expensive shit is stolen and you ask your friend where this maniac came from and she's like, "Oh, yeah. I knew him during a pretty wild time in my life. Sorry."

Molly McAleer is the senior contributor to This Recording. She is a writer living in Los Angeles. She twitters here. You can find her website here. She is the co-founder of Hello Giggles.

Photographs by Jennifer Nies.

"I Wanna Fuck You" - Akon ft. Snoop Dogg (mp3)

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All The Advice That's Fit To Post On The Internet

Plz Advise #1: Guidelines for Twitter Romance

Plz Advise #2: Everytime You Go Away

Plz Advise #3: How to Make Friends And Influence Bloggers

Plz Advise #4: More Of A Bro Than You Thought

Plz Advise #5: Martini Time

Plz Advise #6: A General Lack of Self-Awareness

Plz Advise #7: Dump Your Boyfriends

Plz Advise #8: Advice To Keep Close At Hand

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In Which Molls Corrects A General Lack Of Self-Awareness

Plz Advise

by MOLLY MCALEER

Plz Advise is an advice column. You can e-mail me questions about almost anything, but don't like, take out a loan against your 401k or murder anyone based on anything I say. I'm not a doctor, duh. E-mail your questions to plzadviseme@gmail.com and keep them under 150 words.

Molls,

Eight months ago, a pal of mine had a baby. Our group of friends has been supportive and accommodating from the beginning, changing our plans so as not to disturb the baby's schedule. But now, eight months later, my friend still hasn't made any attempts to find babysitters outside of the group so that we can all go out (she claims she can't trust anybody) and pretty much refuses to do anything without her baby in tow. How can I help her understand that her daughter isn't going to die if she leaves her alone for an hour or two?

Heidi

Your friend is being selfish. That sucks. It's probably a good time to teach her a valuable lesson in not being a complete drag via lack of self-awareness.

Next time you invite her out, let her know that it’s an evening for adults only, and while you love her baby, you don't think it would be appropriate for her to bring it along. If that starts a fight, have one of your friends back you up by saying that it's definitely not personal, you just don't want to bring a baby to a bar with you. If she wants to stay at home with the thing and go stir crazy, let her.

I'm pretty sure the moment after you stop allowing her dictate the mood of your every outing, she'll snap out of it. If she resents you and thinks you're being cruel or insensitive after you've stuck with her and her insecurity and bullshit throughout the first eight months of this baby's life (and probably her entire pregnancy too, huh?) then all of this is just pointing to a bigger problem: You entertained a self-involved friend for a little too long.

Hopefully that baby will start talking soon and she’ll have someone to keep her company.

Molls,

I've been seeing this crustpunk traveler kid for a couple months now. It was originally just a fling to me, but people kept telling me that he seemed to be really into me. Over time I've grown attached and I kind of like him. The night before he left to go north he told me that he really, REALLY liked me and that he hasn't felt this way in a while, he hasn't been seeing anyone else since he first met me, etc. The next day I was supposed to meet up with him at a BBQ to say goodbye but by the time I got there he had already left without saying a word. What the fuck does that mean? He drops this crazy emotional bomb on me and then disappears. Supposedly he’ll be back in a few weeks, but how am I supposed to interpret his abrupt departure?

Thanks for any advice you may have.

Penny

Maybe he's a cokehead. Or a drunk. Maybe he's just a coward.

Don't let this fool have any sort of impact on the way you live your life. If it was just a fling to you, don't let the fact that he likes you take over your mindset. Anyone can like you, girl, but do you like him?

If you do like him more than you're copping to in your letter to me, then ask him straight-up next time you talk to him why he dropped bombs on you and then peaced out before he could even give you a proper good-bye. It seems to me like this dude might be a player and a manipulator, so be prepared to protect yourself from all of that while simultaneously showing him that you’re not going to be mistreated.

And never forget that you called this guy a crustpunk before you said anything else about him. That kind of says more about this situation then whatever I could tell you.

Molls,

I have a class with a girl named Riley. She's real funny but not attractive to the dudes in our class, plus she's a big girl (not like morbidly obese though). She gets picked on a lot by the guys. How can I defend her without getting myself thrown into the lion's den?

Kadeja

Fuck a lion's den. There's no lion's den like the hell you live in when you’re constantly trying to make people who are terrible by definition happy. Guys in school picking on the fat girl? Where have I heard that story before? Oh, right, every magazine profile on any genuine and successful woman like, ever.

You wanna know who your girl Riley is? She's a baller. She goes into school every day, gets picked on and still keeps herself and others laughing. You would be lucky to have a friend that strong and I have a feeling that even a year out of school you’ll start to feel slightly ashamed that you were ever hesitant to befriend her.

Bullying's tough. I was the kind of girl in high school that guys wanted to talk to because I'd make them laugh, and then the second their friends turned the corner, they'd push me into a locker and call me a fat dyke. Trust me when I tell you that I laugh my ass off every time I open up a Facebook message from one of those fools telling me that they always thought I was funny and destined to do something with my life. It usually takes me about ten minutes to even remember where I know their names from.

Take the social hit. Don't deny you or Riley the friendship you both deserve and if you see people pick on her, stick up for her and do it bravely. Stand by her side. That's your girl and if you're there for her, she'll either remain your girl forever or, at the very least, never forget that you showed her compassion when no one else did.

What will siding with the guys you go to school with get you anyway? A discount on your oil change when you run into them at the Pep Boys that they are all working at together in twenty years. Maybe. If one of them is a manager and able to override the computer's invoicing system.

Molly McAleer is the senior contributor to This Recording. She is a writer living in Los Angeles. She twitters here. You can find her website here. She is the co-founder of Hello Giggles.

Photographs of the author by Jennifer Nies.

"Answer to Yourself" - The Soft Pack (mp3)

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Experience the Short But Vital History of Plz Advise

Plz Advise #1: Guidelines for Twitter Romance

Plz Advise #2: Everytime You Go Away

Plz Advise #3: How to Make Friends And Influence Bloggers

Plz Advise #4: More Of A Bro Than You Thought

Plz Advise #5: Martini Time

Plz Advise #6: A General Lack of Self-Awareness

Plz Advise #7: Dump Your Boyfriends

Plz Advise #8: Advice To Keep Close At Hand