In Which Molls Handles Your Parents And Boyfriend For You

Plz Advise

by MOLLY MCALEER

Plz Advise is an advice column. You can e-mail me questions about almost anything, but don’t like, take out a loan against your 401k or murder anyone based on anything I say. I'm not a doctor, duh. E-mail your questions to plzadviseme@gmail.com, and please limit them to 150 words and under. Read last week's edition here.

Molls,

I have decided to move to California from Illinois. I'm 23, I'm not crazy stupid, and I know it's the right decision at this time. However, I'm scared shitless to tell my parents in fear they will disown me on the spot. I live with them still (real cool) and have only lived on my own when I was in college and then for four months in London (UK, not Kentucky). How should I tell them and present my case while avoiding their parental rage and concern?

Eve

If you were 17, uneducated and had no idea of why you wanted to live in Los Angeles, I’d understand your fear of your family freaking out upon hearing the news that you want to move halfway across the country, but girl! You’re 23! That’s exactly the right age to be thinking about how you want to live your adult life, and most parents are big fans of personal responsibility.

If you have a particularly close relationship with your parents or they’re closed-minded about anything outside of your home state, try to sell them on your dreams by demonstrating that you have a plan. Start working on west coast connections via social networks and alumni groups now, look into different neighborhoods and get an idea of what you’d be able to afford. You should definitely visit the city before you move, so if it’s at all possible, ask your parents to tag along so they can see where their precious baby’s gonna find her way.

And if they really go mental/threaten to cut communication/kick you out of their home? Fuck ‘em. They’ll probably get over it eventually. You’re going to be responsible for yourself long after they’re gone (like, forever) and you’re going to have to live with whatever life you make for yourself. Whatever that life is should be based on your terms.

Molls,

I have a problem. The guy I have been seeing is going away for the summer. We aren't in an exclusive relationship or anything so it wouldn't be a problem... if I hadn't fallen in love with him. I have never done this "casual" thing because I am too neurotic but he is worth the attacks of neurosis. There is depth to this relationship whatever it is. Now, I know what love feels like. And I know that when it's new (like it is now) it can never be certain. But I just feel like I should say something before he leaves in a month and a half. If not "I love you" then at least SOMETHING. What do you think?

Christine

I’m like this too, girl. I am. I’m not great at not emotionally vomiting on a bro after we’ve had some sort of romantic encounter, especially if I can sense he doesn’t want to hear it.

Playing it cool is the hardest thing to do, but dudes are mad textbook and fall for the dumbest mind trickery imaginable. The day before he leaves just be like, “I had a lot of fun with you. Call me when you’re back in town,” and then just PEACE OUT. Do not call, do not text, do not even look back when you’re walking out that door.

Go enjoy your summer before you start in with the,“I love you and I just needed you to know that before you pork chicks on other continents and make me feel badly about myself,” stuff. Maybe you’ll be the one who gets a shiny object waved in front of your face and by the time he comes back, you’ll be like “Fuck buddy, who? I don’t think I have this number saved in my phone.”

And for the record, I feel you, girl. I feel you. Emotionally unavailable men can be so sexy. ☹

Molly McAleer is the senior contributor to This Recording. She is a writer living in Los Angeles. She twitters here. You can find her website here. You can find last Wednesday's Plz Advise here. E-mail your questions to plzadviseme@gmail.com.

Photographs by Jennifer Nies.

Experience the Short But Vital History of Plz Advise

Plz Advise #1: Guidelines for Twitter Romance

Plz Advise #2: Everytime You Go Away

Plz Advise #3: How to Make Friends And Influence Bloggers

Plz Advise #4: More Of A Bro Than You Thought

Plz Advise #5: Martini Time

Plz Advise #6: A General Lack of Self-Awareness

Plz Advise #7: Dump Your Boyfriends

Plz Advise #8: Advice To Keep Close At Hand

"Boyfriend (Ghost Waves edit)" - Best Coast (mp3)

"Our Deal" - Best Coast (mp3)

"Summer Mood" - Best Coast (mp3)

In Which Molls Tells You What To Do

Plz Advise

by MOLLY MCALEER

Plz Advise is an advice column. You can e-mail me questions about almost anything, but don’t like, take out a loan against your 401k or murder anyone based on anything I say. I'm not a doctor, duh. E-mail your questions to plzadviseme@gmail.com.

Molls,

I used to date a really beautiful and intelligent yet emotionally unavailable man. I parted ways with him when I realized he'd never give me the love I wanted and of course a few months later he tried to come back, professing his mistake. I passed as I'm now with my amazing boyfriend but wished him luck.

I just found out that the ex is in a serious moving-in-together relationship with a really plain, boring, cookie cutter girl. His brother's birthday party is in a month or so and I'm invited. Though I'm happy that we've both moved on there is a touch of "why that bitch?" so to make myself feel better I plan to rock the hell out of my appearance that night.

Here's the question - do I push a corporate "I'm so important" outfit? Or go with a "your girlfriend would never wear this chinchilla vest" in your face casual? Help me, Molls.

Jessica

Back it up, sister. You're in a serious loving relationship with a man and you're going to your ex-boyfriend’s brother's birthday party and planning your outfit around making him and his new girlfriend feel slightly shitty about their lives?

I'm going to assume that you live in a town with a population of twelve and that your ex's brother's birthday is the social event of the year. Like, your town's version of Mardi Gras or some shit. I'm going to assume that you were a surrogate mother for your ex's brother’s wife’s baby and that there's no way you can miss the party without being rude, because homegirl? You have no business going to that shindig otherwise.

There's something about moving on from a situation completely that is just so much more powerful than any of those Romy and Michele-style revenge fantasies you seem to have dancing around in your brain.

Why don't you make a statement about how much better you are by actually being better? Take the money you would have spent on a new outfit and a bottle of wine to bring to the party and take your boyfriend out to dinner. Fuck it, rent a hotel for a night. It seems like you need to be reminded of what matters.

Molls,

Is it normal to be interested in someone you don't know on Twitter because you dig his or her humor? And should I pursue it?

Diane

Yes. Sadly, it is normal. People these days seem to be under the impression that, because someone can deliver a witty line in 140 characters, that they are somehow fuckable and/or crush material.

Someone's funny Twitter feed could imply that they are a thoughtful person with whom you share similar interests and insights. It also could imply that they work best in short forms of communication, have obsessive behavior and are overly cynical/chronically unserious and in many cases, completely self-obsessed. Someone's Tweets, regardless of how authentic they may feel, are a fragment of a greater personality and that personality may not be one you want to tangle with.

Don't do it. Meeting people online is getting more and more acceptable, but asking out a plain stranger on a date because you find their Twitter feed funny? We're not there yet. If you absolutely can’t help yourself, attempt to strike up a dialogue with the person before diving into the dating stuff. Your initial interactions may tell you that this person isn't quite who you expected, or you may find that they're even better than you hoped. Either way, starting with the "I'm interested in you romantically" stuff is mad creepy.

If you want to look at the big picture AKA the faith-having baller picture, I'm a believer that the right people will always end up in the right room together at some point, On the chance that you and your crush wind up face-to-face, do you want to be the person that was sending them (what could be perceived as) weird @ replies on Twitter? That's something you've got to decide for yourself.

Molly McAleer is the senior contributor to This Recording. She is a writer living in Los Angeles. She twitters here. You can find her website here.

Photographs by Jennifer Nies.

All The Advice That's Fit To Post On The Internet

Plz Advise #1: Guidelines for Twitter Romance

Plz Advise #2: Everytime You Go Away

Plz Advise #3: How to Make Friends And Influence Bloggers

Plz Advise #4: More Of A Bro Than You Thought

Plz Advise #5: Martini Time

Plz Advise #6: A General Lack of Self-Awareness

Plz Advise #7: Dump Your Boyfriends

Plz Advise #8: Advice To Keep Close At Hand

"Lonesome Town" - Ricky Nelson (mp3)

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