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Hard to Say is This Recording’s weekly advice column. It will appear every Wednesday until the Earth perishes in a fiery blaze, or until North West turns 40. Get no-nonsense answers to all of your most pressing questions by writing to justhardtosay@gmail.com or by dropping us a note at our tumblr.

Hi,

Should I cheat on my boyfriend? I think I'm bisexual. I love him and can see myself staying with him forever, but I'm afraid the other side may be better and I'm missing out. It would be a one time thing, and he'd never have to know.

Aubrey H.

Dear Aubrey,

Do whatever you want, but don't do it under the influence of FOMO or buyer's remorse or self-exploration or whatever it is you're going through right now.

You're going to learn so many things about yourself throughout your life, things that will rock your world out of orbit, things that will make everything that was previously really, really important to you seem old and outdated and ill-fitting. Some of it, yeah, you're going to have to toss. Other things (or people) will reveal themselves to be surprisingly willing to walk through a new door with you. (Threesome?)

Sit down and really think about what you want. Remember: "having it all" is a myth. Everything requires some sort of sacrifice. You don't have to be a fucking zen master to understand this. You may need to quit Twitter for a while though.

Hi,

My grandma recently moved into a nursing home, and she calls me all the time. I mean, at least twice a week, always in the evening, even though I've told her I'm busy at that time. When I don't pick up or call back right away she freaks out and says she's worried about me. She's 94, so it's not like she's going to live for that much longer, and I'm afraid that if I blow her off I'll regret it when she dies, but I also have a life!

Jared V.

Dear Jared,

Pick up the fucking phone. Unless you're actively curing cancer, deploying nuclear weapons or finding a way to to air Outlander before April, saying "Hi, Grammykins, it's so good to hear from you" and carrying on a five-minute conversation is the least you can do. 

Look, I don't approve of her guilt-tripping, but when you're 94 you can expect to be allowed to get away with shit. She loves you. She just wants to hear your voice. She's stuck in a building with people who are forgetting their name, who complain that their children never visit, who fall asleep mid-sentence. She needs you.

Illustrations by Mia Nguyen. Access This Recording's mobile site at thisrecording.wordpress.com.

"Close to Me" - Minnie Driver (mp3)

"Tell Me Why" - Minnie Driver (mp3)