In Which We Are The Officer of Hearts

The Week in Review

Who knows what content will descend from such lustrous shores!

As the autumns nears, you have a right to know what to expect from a blog. We will be going further than ever before, straddling depths never before traveled by mortal men or women or Zac Efron. Other blogs will cower in wonder as we reach new heights of cynicism and plot to travel to the stars.

For example:

Eleanor wrote about the legacy of Don Draper's infidelities...

Meredith reflected on the changing of the seasons...

Molly told us about her new diet...

November will feature the onslaught of our series on The Future, which is sure to win several awards across the internet. I hear that we are huge in Beijing. We have hired programmers to help us create quality content efficiently. These professionals must not starve. We will be asking for your support soon now.

Light was the Queen of Our Senses

Almie looked at this week's Mad Men with a diary...

Meredith hated on being a woman...

Our plan to inject a dose of This Recording into local school systems across the country is admittedly reaching some negative feedback. Some say our gifs take up too much bandwidth, and that our message about sex is confusing to young people. Never fear! We will hit them in the classroom and at home later on! It is the New Year for our people!

For instance:

Lauren is up nights watching Melanie Griffith play a robot...

Jake Sugarman relived Michael's life in his videos...

Director Lena Dunham travelled to Tokyo with her mom...

We thank you for supporting This Recording, and if you demur, we can only offer you these humble essays on the state of man and mankind:

Meredith Chamberlain on safety versus comfort...

Alex Carnevale on the Star Trek phenomenon...

Molly Lambert breaking apart Mad Men from the inside..

You can find last week's Week in Review here.

"Old Yellow Bricks" — Artic Monkeys (mp3)

"This House Is A Circus" — Artic Monkeys (mp3)

"Do Me A Favour" — Artic Monkeys (mp3)

In Which We Never Say Never When There's The Internet

Hold Me For Forty

by ALEX CARNEVALE

True Blood's second season was moving towards, unbeknowst to us, a devastating rejection. Even as a maenad (Michelle Forbes) turned Bon Temps to a lustful mess, Bill Compton had but one thing on his mind — human blood, and a lifetime comittment to his girlfriend Sookie Stackhouse. For Bill, that lifetime is many lifetimes. It is any wonder that Sookie became upset?

Stephen Moyer looks like a shrivelly old bag. He's less foreboding than the Queen of Louisiana, who savages male vampyres for blood and sport in her dayroom between games of Yahtzee. The only way to free yourself is to become a part of something larger, and Bill Compton never learned that trick.

Despite being six or more inches shorter, Sam Merlotte puts the lie to Randy Newman's favorite song. Thus enhanced by a vampire's blood, a shapeshifter can become a fertile god, appearing to his minions in disturbing visions. As one of his patrons put it, "I'd like to wear him like a scrunchie."

Arlene's kids are traumatized by all that's gone on. They'll be reciting all the cryptic children jokes that Eric foisted upon them in therapy. At least a lasting friendship was forged between the ever enthusiastic tag team of Andy Bellefleur and Jason Stackhouse.  "If a tree falls in the woods, it's still a tree," Stack says. Unlike Kanye, the new Andy Bellefleur sticks to Diet Coke with lime.

Sam Merlotte had the saddest revelation of the finale, and his acting has quickly become the best on the show. His casual disgust with the foster parents who abandoned him yielded fresh comedy, and his investigations into his shifter past should fuel Sookie's interest in where her peculiar abilities come from.

With that annoying maenad gored by Sam's bull penis, the Queen of Louisiana is fast becoming the most annoying character on the show. Her advances on Eric weren't really funny, and it doesn't help that she's probably the least attractive woman on the show, and I include Hoyt Fortenberry's mama in that appraisal.

The next chapter in Charlaine Harris' series of Sookie Stackhouse novels is set primarily in New Orleans. A Katrina commentary was prominent in Harris' mind, and Alan Ball and co. would only be following in the footsteps of concerned humanitarian Larry David (who also might be a vampire).

This next plotline will separate Bill and Sookie, opening the playing field for Eric Northman to wangle his dangle while Bill is occupied with his maker Lenore. Missing Bill from the show would be a tough platelet to swallow, but fortunately there would be a lot of screen time left over for Sookie to yell, "Biiiiiiiillllll!"

Harris also wrote a decidedly visual future for Jason Stackhouse. His days in the Sun were all well and good, but he needs a good woman to control him and be accountable. Can I suggest a three episode stint with Oprah?

We can also pray that the show finds something worthwhile to do for its characters of color. These stories aren't really found in Harris' books, and a blank canvas is daunting. Tara and Lafayette as a team of cousins could work wonders, especially now that Jason Stackhouse gunned down Eggs in cold blood. Such a blow rang as a memorable parallel joke for the way white writers view such cameos. RIP Eggs. Dude never wore a shirt, ever.

Alex Carnevale is the editor of This Recording. He tumbls here.

"With Arms Outstretched" — Rilo Kiley (mp3)

"Three Hopeful Thoughts" — Rilo Kiley (mp3)

"My Slumbering Heart" — Rilo Kiley (mp3)

In Which We Arch Our Backs Like Don Draper

Where Am I And Who Is This Child?

by ELEANOR MORROW

Pregnancy is a fog. Don's busy getting breathy phone calls from his daughter's teacher, and Betty Draper tells him the keys are already in his hand.

During the birth, Don fantasizes about an imaginary friend/prison guard who makes Don witness his exortation to be a better man. Somehow this guy found the time to get Don's favorite brand of liquor and offer it to him. Later, the guy doesn't even recognize Don in the hallway.

Fine, okay. Don spends more time with his children, appears more "caring" and trustworthy. He turns down Peggy's request for a raise and denigrates Duck Philips' designs on his creative team. Duck killed his wife's dog, found work at a new agency, and time to ambush Pete Campbell. How is Don supposed to live in a world where people envy what he never desired?

January Jones models an impressive new dress and demands her doctor, not the local Jew obstetrician on call. She names her son after her crazy, lecherous father, and promises the child she'll never let him jam a fat girl's head against a spigot. The child has no choice but to take the name.

The series finale of King of the Hill aired last Sunday. The rating is likely to make Mike Judge sad. The weird thing about that show is that its characters never aged; so that no matter what happened in the world Bobby was the same chuckling child as when it began its run nine years ago.

Sally Draper and Don Draper, on the other hand, have room to grow as people. A Draper has no chance of being a human being. Like her new little brother, she'll be encumbered by her father's infidelities, and probably forbidden from driving her grandfather's car.

All the while, men continue to approach Don Draper privately. Each one mutely expresses the desire of the other. Don draws on some relevant pain in his past to sympathize since he lacks a soul — who else channels his own life's tragedy better than Don Draper? Even when he's hallucinating while his wife gives birth, he's on the clock for Sterling-Cooper. I see everything, he tells the jerkwad British CFO, you've seen my ticket stubs.

There's a backlog of work you need to approve, Sterling tells Don. He's just sitting in his office having a drink, laughing off the whole thing about Lois' scarf getting stuck in the copier. Bitch out Pete Campbell and Don Draper and you've earned your salary. Fortunately he's a few years shy of the '09 recession.

Pete's been getting the short end of the stick for awhile now. He's not benefiting from the competition with Ken Cosgrove, and he's starting to go overboard by having intense moments with service people of color. Like in The Sopranos, folks of color are used as props here for white insecurities, scapegoats for profit margins, and 3/5th of a vote. With that said, I will be taking out a full page personals ad in Ebony. I'm crossing my fingers that it will pay "big" dividends.

Dream sequences were also a meaningful part of Weiner's previous show. In Betty's dream, her father pretends not to recognize her, and then she sees her prim mother with her hand on Medgar Evers' shoulder, a signifier embedded in Betty's consciousness since her parent-teacher conference. Would you believe that Evers actually played himself in the role? Why haven't they done a Martin Luther King Jr. biopic yet? Is Spike Lee that busy warming Kobe Bryant's scrotum with his breath?

Eleanor Morrow is the senior contributor to This Recording. She tumbls here.

"Minute Till Dawn" — Ana Popovic (mp3)

"Girl of Many Worlds" — Ana Popovic (mp3)

"How Lonely Can A Woman Get" — Ana Popovic (mp3)