In Which All Of Grace Kelly's Looks Were Too Sad

Amazing Grace

by ALMIE ROSE

I just found out that Grace Kelly was a slut and this has to mean something.

Maybe I should clarify (or not, it’s Manhattan, who gives a fuck): I had heard the old Hollywood rumors that Grace Kelly was not as pristine as her cool Hitchcockian image would have one believe. But the recent biography True Grace is quite revealing.

Grace Kelly would sleep with a guy on the first date. I find this shocking considering the era. And also considering that in those times, dates were dates. You wouldn’t spend the evening “watching a movie” on some guy’s couch; you’d get dressed up and go dancing at the Stork Club. You’d sit at a table in front of Bobby Darin while he sang about love and later he’d try to grab your ass but that would be OK. These were simpler times. But for all the decadence and politeness people still did it, and sometimes that’s easy to forget, which is why it’s so surprising to hear that Grace Kelly put out on the first date or Peggy on Mad Men asking her date, “Do you have a Trojan?”

One of Kelly’s signature moves was to emerge totally naked. I don’t mean at Bergdorf’s or on the street, I mean after she was alone with her date. She would excuse herself into the bathroom and come back naked, or if he went to the bathroom he would come back to find her naked. I can see her doing this but only posing as though she were a store mannequin, one perfectly manicured hand on her hip, the other lifted into the air as if to say, “Why not take a gander at my vagina?”

According to Leigh, the night Kelly won the Academy Award (for The Country Girl) she also won Marlon Brando, taking him back to her place, where their adult plans were interrupted by a scathing phone call from Judy Garland shouting, “This is Judy Garland, Judy Fucking Garland. You bitch! You took what was rightfully mine. [Garland was also nominated for “Best Actress” for her work in A Star Is Born, and favored to win.] Tonight was my last chance for the Oscar. You’ll have many more chances in your future. This was it for me. I’ll never forgive you.” Or in other words, “What don’t you fucking understand? You and me are done professionally.” In this way, Garland was clearly the Christian Bale of her time.

But as it would turn out, Kelly did not have “many more chances”; not long after she married the Prince of Monaco in a move that made her family and contemporaries say, “WTF LOL WHUT.” Prince Rainier was a far cry from Marlon Brando or John F. Kennedy, who Kelly also “dated” (and by dated I mostly mean slept with.) And Kelly’s father literally bought Grace the title, with a dowry of $2,000,000.

Maybe Kelly was sick of falling for married co-stars and wanted a real Prince and not a man like Bing Crosby, who appeared princely on the screen, but in real life broke Kelly’s heart after changing his mind about leaving his wife and beat his children with sweet Valenica oranges. I know, right, Bing Crosby? What on earth is sexy about Bing Crosby? Grace Kelly had a thing for older men. Unresolved Daddy issues? You bet. Her father often said that his youngest daughter was his favorite and was openly vocal about this and his surprise in that Grace amounted to anything other than a housewife. So Grace Kelly found her solace in old grizzled men like Clark Gable, Gary Cooper, and Jimmy Stewart.

A lot of people think of Gwyneth Paltrow as the modern day Grace Kelly, but the truth is, it’s more like Sienna Miller.

She was known for having affairs with all of her costars and didn’t let a marriage stop her, though Jimmy Stewart is apparently the only married co-star she didn’t sleep with, maybe because Stewart’s wife, knowing about Kelly’s reputation, visited the set every day. Kelly would move from man to man holding her steel-cut jaw high, rarely getting heartbroken, with the exception of Gable, who she practically had to beg to sleep with her, because Gable was more interested in Ava Gardner, but didn’t care to cross Sinatra. Kelly was clingy around Gable and desperate to capture his attention and hold onto it. Hey, we’ve all been there, right? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve romanced an old Hollywood legend only to think, "Does he really like me for me or for the publicity?" You know, that age-old dilemma.

My point though is not to shun Kelly for her wanton ways. But rather instead I’m suggesting that we step a little further from our romantic notions of old Hollywood and see that era for what it really was. Just because couples didn’t sleep in the same bed in film or television in those times doesn’t mean that they weren’t screwing like mad. Also, that bitch Grace Kelly got everything she ever wanted through family connections, money, and impeccable features. Fuck her and the pristine horse she rode in on.

Almie Rose is the senior contributor to This Recording. She writes here.

"Inside the Pods" - Jóhann Jóhannsson (mp3)

"Escape" - Jóhann Jóhannsson (mp3)

"End (Snowing)" - Jóhann Jóhannsson (mp3)

In Which That's When I Reach For My Revolver

Use of Your 'Revolver'

by ALMIE ROSE (writing as PATRICK BATEMAN)

Do you like the Beatles? Formed in 1960 and musically active for a mere 10 years they completely revolutionized the relationship between popular and rock music. The band really came into their own in the late sixties, during which they produced the spectacular 1966 album Revolver. The band’s previous release, Rubber Soul, hinted at the change in sound that was to come but it was really on Revolver that the boys were allowed to stretch musically and create something new.

Right from the deep bass opening on “Taxman” it’s clear that this is going to be one groovy psychedelic album. One can’t forget that in the early 00s Rolling Stone named Revolver the number three album of all time, behind the over-produced and ultimately confusing Sergeant Pepper and His Lonely Hearts Club Band.

The second track, “Eleanor Rigby” tells the heartbreaking tale of an ugly woman murdered by a priest. The crescendo of violins steadying Paul’s voice warning of “all the lonely people” who are out to get us is breathtaking in its horrifyingly simple quality. The lyrics on this album go beyond the usual mop topped boy-gets-girl lyrics, as shown in the next track as well, “I’m Only Sleeping.”

And is that a mandolin in the background? You bet it is. Strange instruments are further incorporated into George Harrison’s song, “Love You To” and while interesting on its own merit it didn’t become the hit that “Eleanor Rigby” or “Yellow Submarine” became. I wonder how Harrison feels about that. Paul McCartney was really the band’s star, churning out hit after hit, while the rest of the fellows only tried to keep up. “Here, There and Everywhere” is another fantastic effort by McCartney, who tried to replicate the “shimmering quality” he found in The Beach Boys' “God Only Knows.”

Then comes “Yellow Submarine” or, let’s let Ringo sing one. “Yellow Submarine” is more than a child’s tune; it represents the yearning we all have to abandon our daily lives and submerge into the ocean with the Beatles. Again, it isn’t about boy needs girl (at least not until “Got To Get You Into My Life” nearer the end) and this is important to note.

“She Said She Said” is a rare throwaway track. What follows it, “Good Day Sunshine” is another superb ditty by McCartney, who “feels good in a special way” something we can all relate to and appreciate. Lennon’s tracks “And Your Bird Can Sing”, “Doctor Robert”, and “I Want To Tell You” fail in their ability to make you feel renewed with hope the way McCartney’s lyrics can. Lennon’s songs have a heavier quality to them even when he tries to mask them with the optimism that McCartney naturally has in his tunes. It must have been difficult for Lennon to work with such a far superior member of the group. Case in point: “For No One” is a real gem. “And in her eyes you see nothing,” McCartney narrates, painting a bleak portrait of a woman who ruined his life, warning us not to make his mistakes and follow on a similar path.

Had Revolver closed on “Got To Get You Into My Life” the album would have been absolutely pristine; instead it closes on Lennon’s droning “Tomorrow Never Knows”, a cacophonous mess of seagull noises and sitars. Regardless, Revolver is a fantastic album that hits a high note in the group’s career and will endure for years to come.

Almie Rose is the senior contributor to This Recording. She is a writer living in Los Angeles. She blogs here, and twitters here.

"Here, There and Everywhere" - The Beatles (mp3)

"I'm Only Sleeping" - The Vines (mp3)

"Love You To" - The Beatles (mp3)

"Tomorrow Never Knows" - Phil Collins (mp3)

"She Said She Said" - The Beatles (mp3)

In Which You Will Know Adam Goldberg Even Before You Hear His Chimes

Revealing Art

by ALMIE ROSE

(Untitled)

dir. Jonathan Parker

96 minutes

Remember that guy in Annie Hall who comes up to Annie Hall at a party and says, “Touch my heart with your foot”? (Untitled) is like a movie about that guy. And his friends.

The guy in question is musician Adrian Jacobs, played with an expertly furrowed brow by Adam Goldberg. (Untitled) is funny and sharp about the art scene in New York and how ridiculous, yet heartbreaking, it can be. In any creative field it’s often a struggle trying to figure out where your next job is going to come from or even how to get your foot in the door. Sometimes it seems like everyone in the world is more successful than you are, and this angst is perfectly captured in Adam Goldberg’s tortured face. Tortured looks good on him; mark this film as the first time in history that I have ever been seriously attracted to this guy. One of the truest clichés there is is that brooding artists will always be sexy.

Bringing sexy to the table is Marley Shelton as gallery owner Madeleine Gray. Her skirts alone are like works of art.

Gray, in her audible skirts and vanity glasses, is a perfect representation of the Urban Outfitters generation. Here costumes and set design are purposeful clues – everything is there to reveal something about the characters. In Glamorama Bret Easton Ellis wrote, “The better you look, the more you see.” I couldn’t help but think of this maxim as I envied the impressive sculptural necklace Shelton’s character wears in her first scene. Adrian actually uses its sound for one of his clusterfuck musical works.

Madeleine is a shrewd woman; the kind of person who is too smart to reveal what she’s really thinking. This of course makes Adrian fall for her. “What did she do to catch your attention?” his female band member asks wistfully. Oh honey, I know, I’ve been there. Seeing (Untitled) is a good way to spend your time and practically a must if you went to The New School.

Almie Rose is the senior contributor to This Recording. She blogs here. In New York, (Untitled) is playing at the Angelika Film Center this week. In L.A. it's playing at Laemmie's Sunset 5.  

"Old Orchard Beach" - The Magnetic Fields (mp3)

"Summer Lies" - The Magnetic Fields (mp3)

"Jeremy" - The Magnetic Fields (mp3)