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Pretty used to being with Gwyneth

Regrets that her mother did not smoke

Frank in all directions

Jean Cocteau and Jean Marais

Simply cannot go back to them

Roll your eyes at Samuel Beckett

John Gregory Dunne and Joan Didion

Metaphors with eyes

Life of Mary MacLane

Circle what it is you want

Not really talking about women, just Diane

Felicity's disguise

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Entries in hard to say (183)

Wednesday
Apr012015

In Which Disparaging These Individuals Remains Wrong

Hard to Say is This Recording’s weekly advice column. It will appear every Wednesday until the Earth perishes in a fiery blaze, or until North West turns 40. Get no-nonsense answers to all of your most pressing questions by writing to justhardtosay@gmail.com or by dropping us a note at our tumblr.

Hi,

My cousin Artis has been dating a woman named Jessica for around a year. We have some older family members who from time to time will say things that are less than politically correct. Jessica seems to go out of her way to lecture them about what they have said or criticize my grandmother, great-aunt and her husband, letting everyone know what she thinks is wrong about their point of view.

I understand expressing your beliefs, but at some point don't you just have to back off? The individuals involved are in their 80s, and in one case, 94.

Jared R.

Dear Jared,

It depends on exactly what kind of faux pas we are talking about here. I myself use what I call the Pat Buchanan test. People became so immune to the horrendous things that Pat Buchanan says on the McLaughlin Group that after he would make his usual disgusting statement, Eleanor Clift would just be like "I don't think so" and resume her explanation of how ovaries work.

Every once and awhile Pat would be like, "I blame Harvey Weinstein for this," and although he was occasionally right, he was sometimes wrong and the motivation for the comment was suspect.

If your elders are saying something about gays or Asians that is one thing. The ABC network has proved it is okay to disparage these groups publicly, especially if that critique takes the form of a televised sitcom.

If, on the other hand, your great aunt's husband is going after Patricia Arquette or Brianna Wu, call the police. It should never be wrong to tell the truth or set someone straight, and I fail to see how advanced age plays into it. We don't lose our ability to act like human beings just because we were born before the Civil Rights Act.

Hi,

With the upcoming return of Game of Thrones, my roommate Jamie will be hosting his weekly Winterfell gatherings in our apartment. Since I host similar events from time to time not based on HBO fantasy series, I have no problem with these groupings.

My issue is with a particular friend of Jamie's who insists on explaining the backstory of every single character who comes onscreen for the new viewers who may be casually watching this week's episode or are just not able to follow all the action that happens when a Lannister pays his debts. I understand this friend is trying to be helpful, but his behavior is not only super-annoying, but it turns the hour-long show into a ninety-minute feature with not-director commentary. How can I prevent him from ever recounting the particulars of Littlefinger's childhood in front of my loved ones again?

 

Brad C.

Dear Brad,

Sounds like you need to bring a Game of Thrones ringer into the picture. Someone who can see an expression on Tyrion Lannister's face and ascribe it to a particular prostitute that his father might have procured for him on the mean streets of King's Landing.

With this even bigger know-it-all shouting loudly over the far more prosaic, simple, rudimentary background information of your friend Jamie's friend, all your problems will be solved. Or maybe just plan a night out and watch it later. It's important to make Game of Thrones last; there is only so much of it that George R.R. Martin can write between his monologues about how much he hates fan fiction.

Illustrations by Mia Nguyen. Access This Recording's mobile site at thisrecording.wordpress.com.

 

"Not Just Anything" - I'm From Barcelona (mp3)

"Sirens" - I'm From Barcelona (mp3)

Wednesday
Mar252015

In Which We Have Gabriel And Damascus

Hard to Say is This Recording’s weekly advice column. It will appear every Wednesday until the Earth perishes in a fiery blaze, or until North West turns 40. Get no-nonsense answers to all of your most pressing questions by writing to justhardtosay@gmail.com or by dropping us a note at our tumblr.

Hi,

My boyfriend Marcus O'Neill and I have a great sex life, averaging about five times a week if we are able to see each other that frequently with our schedules. Marcus recently confessed that he still masturbates himself to orgasm on a dialy basis whether we have sex or not.

I was pretty shocked by this. Is that kind of frequency normal for someone in a relationship, and should I be worried that I am not satisfying Marcus O'Neill's needs? (I asked him what he thinks about when he does it, and he says me/pornography.)

Ashley T.

Dear Dinah,

Some people use masturbation as a panacea for a variety of common problems: sleeplessness, anxiety, depression, reaction trauma, boredom or if there is not a fresh juice box on hand.

Habits are developed early on, and are sometimes hard to reliably break. You might think that Marcus should be completed by what you do together, but it's possible you are just making him more enervated and aroused. This may not altogether be a bad thing.

If he does have this much testosterone floating around in the ether, then it is also good he has found a way to express it that doesn't hurt you or anyone else, except of course the victims of the Los Angeles-based pornography industry.

We get a lot of questions about pornography, most of them suggesting that it is terrible and should not exist. There is no easy reply to this sentiment, because it will always exist as long as the human body is titillating and easy to display.

If he hasn't already, suggesting Marcus do this in front of you may assuage some of your fears. He may believe you are not interested in his private time, so reassure him with soft comments like, "That's an impressive grip!" or "You're actually good at this?" The only person in the world who does not benefit from encouragement is Howard Schulz.

Hi,

 

I've been in a relationship with this guy for less than a month and he wants me to meet his parents and entire family over passover, but I'm feeling a bit reluctant about going. I haven't given him an answer yet, and it would mean the world to him if I went. What should I do?

 

Annie S.

Dear Annie,

Are you reluctant because you think it's too soon to meet his parents or because you're not that into him and the thought of spending a holiday with him AND his family has you wishing for a chance to wander 40 years in the desert? If it's the former, just go with it. It's probably not that big of a deal, unless the guy's intense in other ways, too. (If he is, just tell him to tone it down.) If it's the latter, then maybe this is a sign that you should get out of this relaysh.

Illustrations by Mia Nguyen. Access This Recording's mobile site at thisrecording.wordpress.com.

 

"Yesterday's Tapes" - Telepath (mp3)

Wednesday
Mar182015

In Which This Is His Most Difficult Confession

Hard to Say is This Recording’s weekly advice column. It will appear every Wednesday until the Earth perishes in a fiery blaze, or until North West turns 40. Get no-nonsense answers to all of your most pressing questions by writing to justhardtosay@gmail.com or by dropping us a note at our tumblr.

Hi,

My boyfriend Hal and I were recently watching Bravo's Married at First Sight for reasons. One couple on the show renewed their bows in Las Vegas. It was absolutely disgusting.

Hal started talking about his only trip to Vegas seven years ago, and confessed that during the trip, after some encouragement from his friends, he had sex with a prostitute in a brothel.

I guess I didn't really know how to react at the time. Maybe I still don't. I know STD-wise that Hal is clean, but I'm having trouble dealing with this admission. Am I right to be upset?

Joan R.

Dear Joan,

I'm more worried about Hal's judgment. He could have lied about this and you would never know the difference until the prost in question came looking for child support. I had a friend who looked for sex on Craigslist for years before his marriage. He also patronized Asian massage parlors quite frequently.

Whether or not his wife knows about this period, I couldn't say, but I told him what I would have told Hal. Nothing good comes from telling the truth about sex with women for money. As is, there's no going back to the place where you did not know this information.

The bright side is this: not only do you have a get out of jail free card for anything you want, you can be sure Hal is super into you. Finding a man who can't lie is not the worst development. Make sure this is the case by going all "Did you order the Code Red?" on him and try get him to admit to other prosts. Also, ask the woman's name. It always helps to get all the information first.

Hi,

I recently wrote to Hard to Say about my boyfriend Jeff. He was insisting on taking things slow, and after I wrote in, things have only gotten more serious. One thing hasn't changed, though - he still insists that he has no intention of ever getting married again.

In the intervening time, Jeff has made plans to relocate to my city and we are thinking of ways that we can live together as soon as the fall.

Am I making a mistake?

Andrea R.

Dear Andrea,

It's impossible to know completely what Jeff is thinking without taking stock of other factors. It's good that you and Jeff are not moving in together immediately. If he does move in with you or stay with you for any extended length of time you will be married in everything except name, which is not a very good situation to be in.

Why not say you'll be needing your own space for the indefinite future? If things are going as well as they seem to, he'll crack on this issue. Anyone's mind can be changed, but the one way you can be sure that it won't be is by asking him outright at this juncture. You need to know more about the relationship and judge it on its real terms before suggesting ultimatums or making promises of your own.

Actually, fuck Jeff.

Illustrations by Mia Nguyen. Access This Recording's mobile site at thisrecording.wordpress.com.

 

"Current Carry" - Vetiver (mp3)

"Time Flies By" - Vetiver (mp3)